Applications for astronaut spots cripple NASA

The well-versed bureaucracy was already in place. But it was supposed to be looking out, not in. Until the pandemic, a majority of this burgeoning space budget was spent on defense and satellites, including the study of alien life. Now administrative and human services costs have skyrocketed to the top.

Was it all because of this one tiny want ad?

Astronauts wanted. No experience necessary. Will train.

Apply National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

The placement then gave a link to a web form where an interested party could see more.

Thousands apply for astronaut positions at NASA

Until recently more people appeared frightened of the great abyss than were ready to strike out and embrace it. Scrutinizing every vestige for work, most could not pass up the ad or pass physical or mental requirements therein. Some were too large. Others too slow. Most were just desperate, bringing nothing to the table but the desire to fly away.

Now NASA computers are humming in an attempt to process mounds of ubiquitous applications for volunteer space travelers. Submissions and requests have increased two thousand-fold in the past week. Sources there say a lot of people who “fancy getting off the earth while they still have their wits” (about them). Many have “already packed their suitcases”.

NASA head hunting has been much more subtle in the past relying on trade publications and recruitment from within the outer space community. The appearance of the ad might have been an oversight or quite possibly a hack job.

Astronaut training session over at NASA

“Maybe it was the pink moon or the economy, the health crisis or wanderlust but we have been inundated with applications for only about 50 positions,” said Alfonse Clockwork, a spokesman for NASA. “A lot of people have given up on earth and figure they’d be better off in orbit. Others see the Apocalypse in the rear view mirror.”

Most of the applicants have suffered long lines, tedious agendas, diminished options and little information since Thursday when the ad hit the classifieds. There has been little response much less NASA’s assurances that they will be heard.

“Stay home. Stay away. The daily lines are overwhelming our security,” said Clockwork. “We have seen literally thousands seeking a few long-term slots for experimental flight crews. What a mess we have in our laps at such a critical juncture. What are these people thinking? They have no survival skills. They have no space suits. Most have never even been off the planet.”

-Tommy Middlefinger