O’Hare Airport to become Obama International

The international airport in the Windy City named for WW II flying ace Butch O’Hare (a non-politician) back in the Fifties will be known as Barack Obama International Airport come May 2017.

According to supporters it couldn’t have come at a better time what with the Cubs running away with the Central Division and Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s desperate attempts to quell violence in the city.

Obama adopted Chicago and taught Constitutional Law at the esteemed University of Chicago before his campaign and election to the Presidency. The flip-flopping action comes just weeks after Congress pledged to restructure its patterns and avoid naming airports after ex-presidents such as George H. Bush and Ronald Reagan.

We’d rather name our functioning infrastructure after cultural and entertainment icons which represent the real American spirit,” said Selma Gantry, who has spent tome in over 4000 airports worldwide. “Why name an institution after a politician on either side of the aisle?”

The Illinois Department of Public Safety, thrown together recently to bring some sense of normalcy to airport name restructuring, recommended that Bush International in Houston be named for the late Mickey Mantle and Reagan Airport be named for Bob Marley, even though the latter was born in Jamaica.

“Anybody is better than the present power broker namesakes,” she continued. “Anything will do. Please show some taste and get rid of the Reagan statue at the entrance to the nation’s most prominent landing zone. It’s almost as bad as the provincial Bronco near Denver International. Traveling Europeans are laughing at us. It’s an embarrassment. Please!”

In a related undertaking, a well-received plan to rename Dulles Airport Katherine H. Hepburn International Flyway, appears to be making strides and will most likely be undressed again after Trump is impeachment. The Dulles Brothers were instrumental in setting the nation back some 50 years with reactionary foreign policies that torment us even today. Their black and white missionary zeal is blamed for failure upon failure and has left the American people with an all but insurmountable legacy that is in no way comprehended by most of the populace.

– Attila Diggins