OBAMA GETS LAST LAUGH

With his days in office dwindling, President Barack Obama hosted a rare press conference this morning “to put things in perspective.”

In a jousting mood, the Chief Executive told reporters that he got a good laugh when senselessly attacked by dumb throwbacks in the House of Representatives who accused him of being an alien and the anti-Christ.

“It’s partially true…I have no U.S. birth certificate because I was not born here nor have I ever even bothered to become a citizen of this country. However I have been the President of your country for the past eight years. Who has been caught with his pants down here?”

Obama stressed that he had not seized any guns, appointed any Black Supreme Court justices or started any new wars since ascending to the Presidency. He admitted that he had successfully pulled the wool over the eyes of the voters:

“I am a Communist Muslim Anarchist Maoist and member in good standing of the Black Panther Party,” said the President. “There…now are you happy?”

In a related development the Obama family will paint the White House over the holidays prior to vacating the premises. Insiders say the family is leaning toward a mauve/chocolate with rainbow trim. An administration spokesperson was quick to add that nothing in a final color scheme had been decided.

Rumor # 611: Obama will not surrender the Presidency. Instead he is creating a radical urban dictatorship based on jazz and basketball. Plans for a system of liberal, solar re-education camps for throwbacks – in Kenya –  is already in the works. We all know he has been speaking to school children in quasi-commie code: Manx sounds like Marx to me. Finally, his administration is planning a commie coup but waiting until his last full week in office to put the plan into action. The coup is supported by Vladimir Putin, Miles Davis and the Hong Kong Five, with Dennis Rodman starring as the ghost of Imelda Marcos..