Weather Girl Talked Down

(Gunnison) A tragedy was narrowly averted this morning when a local weather gal was talked out of jumping from a nearby radio tower. According to authorities on the scene the meteorological storm trooper was distraught due to industry jobs moving to Mexico.

     Over the past months more than 2000 weather-related positions have been sent south of the border where corporations can get a lot more talk for a lot less pesos. The trend appears to be here to stay as corporate thinkers take advantage of the misfortunes of poor Mexicans while “screwing the unions a good one” according to job brokers neck-deep on the Rio Grande.

     The broadcaster, whose name was not released, has been high above the town since finding out her job had been terminated last week. The NAFTA Treaty, which allows for the import of U.S. industry, has relaxed restrictions on companies who desire to relocate within North America. What this country receives in return was not clear. Even tequila prices are up.

     “It’s not that we have better weather access down here in Juarez, it’s just that it’s far more cost effective to hire talking heads here to compete for effective audiences in Tucson or El Paso,” explained a spokesman for the weather industry. “Who ever said we had to be in Milwaukee to report the weather there. We have satellites. We have cameras. We have drones. We have increased profits.”

     The weather will be hauled down across the Sonoran Dessert by a fleet of trucks already registered in Mexico.  

– Uncle Pahgre