Warning: Newsprint Unsafe?

(Tomichi, CO — Thames Times — June 17, 2016)

The long held practice of wrapping fish and chips in common newsprint has come under attack once again by journalists and consumer groups concerned with health and safety of hungry diners.

Thanks to an indignant piece appearing in Stiff Upper Lip, a somewhat flippant culinary magazine circulated in Great Britain, the cleanliness of newsprint has once again been called into question. According to the author the food is exposed to the ink and chemicals inherent to the wrapping paper. In addition the paper is likely to be germ-ridden due to exposure to vermin in plants and press rooms.

The introduction of malt or vinegar to the traditional fish and potato fare is like “mixing tainted combustibles or frayed explosives” then serving them to the unwary public. The results, so it says, can be disastrous. The article goes on in small print to admit that although the newsprint might not be appetizing, there has never been a recorded death linked to the consumption of the staple/newsprint combination.

In fact, no one has ever reported getting ill from the procedure.

When contacted by phone over the noon hour the majority of the fish and chip stands in Manchester and Leeds said they would continue to wrap the product in newspapers in support of the Fourth Estate in the country. Data collected on the affects of eating greasy food wrapped in electronic websites was inconclusive and thrown into the trash.

– Alfalfa Romero