Utah Flips Polygamy Card

These ladies may be due multiple husbands in Utah after passage of a reverse Polygamy Bill in the Beehive State.

(Salt Lake) The State Legislature in Utah has today passed a bill that legalizes polygamy but this time it’s  women, not men, who can take multiple spouses. The shocking decision clearly approves extended marital arrangements whereas one woman might have up to three or four husbands in the household.

Greeted by some as progressive and others as absurd the new law will go into affect in 2013. Acknowledging that a host of details still need to be hammered out sponsors of the act say it is high time that females in the Beehive State, named for the lingering hairstyle, have their moment in the sun.

“We’ve evened up the score,” said Rep Eva Diva of Blanding. “Now we’ll see who marries who and takes what role in marriage. Persons involved will of course set their own daily agendas without the government in their faces. It should be quite the bombshell dropped into this conservative venue and we hope it encourages women from all over the country to move here.”

Other proponents of the law agree that the legislation is much needed and long in coming but they question whether a right-minded woman would want more than one husband, or a husband at all for that matter.

“Men revolve around sex while women are attracted by security and polygamy addresses both of these needs. If the women sets precedence where responsibilities are clearly defined and the hierarchy is well entrenched, it might work out well,” said N. Ron Smith, a state assemblyman from Park City. “A family does not need two or three husbands sharing traditional male rolls while the wife cooks and does the laundry for everyone. What we will see in a successful relationship is a sharing of family duties that accommodate all genders.”

Critics of the new approach to marriage say no one needs more than one mate and that adding legitimacy to any practice of polygamy is not consistent with 21st Century thinking. Many feel the law encourages militant feminism and panders to women who make up an active and organized voting block.

“Decades ago husbands told their wives how to vote here in Utah and now the whole balance has been turned upside down and inside out,” said Earl Buttons of Cedar City. “Back in the old days it was fun to be a man around these parts now it’s all down the drain. I’m not saying that I want two or three wives. I just don’t cotton to the idea of a wife with two or three husbands.”

Reactions among the populace vary with rural residents reluctant to accept the new direction. Urban dwellers, more accustomed to change seemed willing to give the arrangement a try.

“I just hope it doesn’t affect cell phone service,” said one Sandy commuter.

“It’s all OK but would you want your daughter to marry one?” asked a Salt Lake man.

At present the Mormon Church, an institution which once quasi-approved of polygamy has yet to comment on the proceedings.

Response from the Mitt Romney camp was muted although several supporters confirmed that the candidate is not happy about this latest development which “has been hurled into the stew by those who would like to embarrass the former governor.

“It’s nothing more than political grandstanding aimed at swaying the vote here,” said one straw-hatted flag waver. “Obama is responsible for this. Gay marriage is one thing. This opens up a can of worms beyond comprehension.”

Meanwhile state lawmakers in Nevada and Colorado are reportedly jockeying to have this same agenda placed on the November ballot. Insiders say issues like these are excellent distractions that pull voters away from the real issues such as banking scandals, weapons sales and the ongoing plutocracy in this country.

– Kashmir Horseshoe