TWENTY OF THE BEST USES FOR LEFTOVER FRUITCAKE

M. Toole | Aug 13, 2019 | Comments 0

It’s August. Do you know where last December’s fruit cake is? We chose 20 of our favorites from the recently released 10,000 Uses For Fruit Cake by Macon (Ga.) Bros. Press. Here they are:

1. Soft, absorbent airport runways and circuit boards for computerized baggage claim systems

2. Spongy, once-edible lifts for shoes

3. Decorative moss Mediterranean fireplace grout

4. Trail tofu kibble for small herd animals

5. Mediterranean house trailer skirting

6. Throw-away windshield scraper/breakfast bars (check use dates)

7. Candied stick deodorant

8. Sure-grip roofing supplement spikes for safe snow removal

9. Tear-away political platforms

10. Solar-Spell Astroturf

11. A offensive line for the Broncos.

12. Dog house insulation

13. Congressional dartboards

14. Leak-proof chinking material

15. Canvasses for bad western artists

16. Jigsaw puzzles

17. Patching for the ozone

18. Square Frisbees

19. U.S. Constitution one-speed bicycle grips

20. Succulent decoupage

-edited for clarity by Estelle Marmotbreath, critic

“You have to believe. That’s what I think. It’s not about medicine and all that stuff. You have to believe a person can get better. There is so much in the human mind we don’t understand, but you see if you have faith you can do anything.”