THE TARZAN AND JANE DIALOGUES
M. Toole | Nov 19, 2013 | Comments 0
Brought to you every Saturday afternoon in innocent black and white by O’Hara’s Kalahari Breath Mints and Monkey Calming Ointment. O’Hara’s – Recognized by schlimazels the world over as an effective cholesterol substitute and mirth control device.
The scene: A tree house in East Africa
Jane: It says here in the Nairobi paper that Chief Mutumbo has won a lucrative insurance settlement after falling out of his tree house.
Tarzan: Tarzan no read. Chief drunk? Chief win lotta money?
Jane: 10,000 pilasters, dear.
Tarzan: That buy lotta jungle juice and bones for all wives’ noses.
Jane: And what’s more the Somalian Optimists have been forced to cancel the annual Feed the Homeless Feast.
Tarzan: Why? They not have food?
Jane: No, dear, it’s another insurance hang-up. The club is afraid one of the homeless might sue, you know, if they get food caught in their throat or they stab themselves with a fork.
Tarzan: That silly. Homeless not afford lawyers.
(Tarzan is distracted as a flock of vultures flies overhead)
Jane: That’s what you think. Have you seen Cheetah today?
Tarzan: Monkey gone shopping for new Cadillac.
Jane: A new car? I didn’t know Cheetah drove.
Tarzan: Monkey drive now. Tobacco company settle for lotta cash. Cheetah smoke for twenty years. Has bad cough. Get lawyer. Sue cigarette maker.
Jane: The tobacco company paid Cheetah a settlement?
Tarzan: That right. Lotta cash. Look for Cadillac.
Jane: That reminds me dear, we just got a bill for the elephant’s employee health insurance, and Boy’s life insurance plus don’t forget your tree swinger’s accident insurance is due Tuesday.
Tarzan: Tarzan surprised loincloth insurance not mandatory.
THE END
Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder