THE TARZAN AND JANE DIALOGUES

Brought to you every Saturday afternoon in innocent black and white by O’Hara’s Kalahari Breath Mints and Monkey Calming Ointment. O’Hara’s – Recognized by schlimazels the world over as an effective cholesterol substitute and mirth control device.

The scene: A tree house in East Africa

Jane: It says here in the Nairobi paper that Chief Mutumbo has won a lucrative insurance settlement after falling out of his tree house.

Tarzan: Tarzan no read. Chief drunk? Chief win lotta money?

Jane: 10,000 pilasters, dear.

Tarzan: That buy lotta jungle juice and bones for all wives’ noses.

Jane: And what’s more the Somalian Optimists have been forced to cancel the annual Feed the Homeless Feast.

Tarzan: Why? They not have food?

Jane: No, dear, it’s another insurance hang-up. The club is afraid one of the homeless might sue, you know, if they get food caught in their throat or they stab themselves with a fork.

Tarzan: That silly. Homeless not afford lawyers.

(Tarzan is distracted as a flock of vultures flies overhead)

Jane: That’s what you think. Have you seen Cheetah today?

Tarzan: Monkey gone shopping for new Cadillac.

Jane: A new car? I didn’t know Cheetah drove.

Tarzan: Monkey drive now. Tobacco company settle for lotta cash. Cheetah smoke for twenty years. Has bad cough. Get lawyer. Sue cigarette maker.

Jane: The tobacco company paid Cheetah a settlement?

Tarzan: That right. Lotta cash. Look for Cadillac.

Jane: That reminds me dear, we just got a bill for the elephant’s employee health insurance, and Boy’s life insurance plus don’t forget your tree swinger’s accident insurance is due Tuesday.

Tarzan: Tarzan surprised loincloth insurance not mandatory.

THE END