All Entries Tagged With: "tenure at WSCU"

Tenure Records Gone

(Gunnison) Verification of faculty tenure at Western State University is pretty much anyone’s guess these days with the disclosure that the Tenure Tabernacle has been misplaced. Blamed on maintenance personnel, the loss could affect future teaching agreements, academic contracts and research grants.
“It was here just the other day,” said one rather pompous administrator who only gave her name as Doctor someone.

The arch, or tabernacle as it is called by the faithful, was moved once in July when the threat of forest fire was at its highest.

“Since we are a state institution we must adhere to state regulations when it comes to fire,” said the administration spokesman. “That means we have to keep at least two buckets of tepid water and a folding shovel below the steps at Taylor Hall.”

Tenure is the magic status that allows faculty members to do whatever they want without having to answer to the people who write the checks. Some students have attained a kind of tenure at WSC by taking six or seven years to complete a four-year curriculum.

A strip search, planned for on-campus dorms was canceled Friday after threats from the Civil Liabilities Union. Legend has it that the tenure records were engraved on two sets of stoned tablets believed to be sent down from W Mountain (www.mountain.com) after one football coach or the other led the Department of Kinesiology out of slavery at Adams State College, splitting Blue Mesa in two to make good an escape) long before you were born.

A popular film, entitled The Ten Regents loosely chronicles the event. It stars Charlatan Festoon and will be presented during NRA Week on campus in April.

A reward in the form of tuition credits is offered for the return of the sacred chest.

– Jack Spratt