All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"

“Bad Haircuts”

(Muttontown Follicles   Gunnison, CO   December 5, 2015)    

Continued from page 489

so that there was little left on top and a healthy harvest of grey strands on the side. For the finishing touches Wally shaved a six-inch semi-circle around the left ear and applied bootblack to the right temple. When he swung his victim around for a look into the cloudy mirror, he sat back in anticipation.

“Kill him,” said Black Bart to the members of his gang who had now succumbed to laughter. “It’ll take two months for my scalp to recover and maybe a year or two before I can rob banks again. No barber, even one who says he’s from St. Louis, is worth this!”

Wally was quick to react.

“I’m awful sorry Bart, about your hair and all. I’d be happy to start from scratch and throw in a case of this hair tonic, which, if you ain’t too picky, tastes all right besides.”

Bart took a sip, snarled and motioned toward his men to do their duty. When they got Wally outside he talked them into a simple tar and feathering instead of the termination. The entire town, especially the ones who had gone under Wally’s scissors, turned out for the event. It was the first excuse for the ladies to don their finery and the men to wear their church-going suspenders since Old Man Rathboone was lynched back in ’88.

When Wally finally came to, he was stuck to a barrel cactus some 10 miles from Rodentville. He was covered with tar, scattered with feathers and someone had shaved his head.

“I wonder who did the barbering,” thought Wally. “I could use an assistant.
Wandering off toward bright lights and barber poles Wally, engaged in some much belated soul searching.

“I think I actually enjoy giving bad haircuts,” he mused. “How sick. No wonder I’m always getting beat up or driven out of town. Maybe I should look for another line of work,” he thought, staring down at his traveling barber kit.

“I’ve been trampled in Topeka, worked over the Wabash and had both legs broken in Marietta,” he shrugged. “but I’ve seen a lot of country and met a lot of great people in my travels. Some of them even let me cut their hair!”

Wally’s barber kit was comprised of six scissors, an assortment of combs, two mirrors, a straight razor and a dozen bottles of hair tonic. It had miraculously survived his most recent ordeal.

“I can’t quit now,” he said to himself. “I have too much invested.”
After five lonely, thirsty days on the road Wally arrived in Muttontown, on the banks of the Dirty River. He walked into the Broken Dreams Saloon and ordered a beer.

“Howdy, stranger,” said a saloon hall girl from the corner. “What brings you to Muttontown?”

“I’m a traveling barber,” said Wally. “I’m in search of work.

“Really?” asked the girl sincerely. “That’s right amazing, since our last barber was killed in a gunfight last night.”

“Is that a fact?” gestured Wally.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 889

Video Channels to Shorten Versions

(Hollywood — Diversionary Enterprises Beat – December 4, 2015)

Leading music video networks will begin presenting video highlights of popular music videos instead of the entire video. The producers of musical programs, including MTV sadly say they are customizing the presentations due to decreased attention span of the American public.

“The normal viewing time for the present music video is about 3 minutes,” explained Oh Pi Bass, Itinerant Head of Underground Suburban Records here. “Most people nowadays can’t concentrate on so much as two lines much less a storyline.”

The idea is to shorten the video to 15 seconds with just the right beat and enough bump and grind to hold the attention of a pineapple or summer squash.

“We just show a flash of skin, a close-up of some sleazy rockers in front of a wild crowd and wait by the cash register,” said Bass.

Already the drugstore country music networks have begun abbreviating its branded programming. Some of the smaller stations even take a short segment or lyric and present it void of any imagery.

“It’s kind of like radio,” he said.

– Susi Burr-Banke

Pedaling Socialism in DC

It’s the Muslim Marxist agenda once again – pedaling socialism in Washington DC. These bicycles rent for a small monthly fee allowing for decreased auto traffic and affordable convenience for the people.Where will it all stop?

(December 3, 2015)

King of the Blues Interview

“The Swan Song”

(Continued from the Mississippi Delta in the 1930s)

(Delta, Colorado  —  Rascals With Rhythm Bulletin  —  December 2, 2015)

Sunny Junta “Roy” Washington layin down some licks at the Heeny Tick Festival in June.

Sunny: Like I said, I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Your roots reach deep into the Mississippi Delta, into the South Chicago scene, into Motown. That’s quite diverse.
Sunny: Yeah, man. I’m the king of the blues, baby, the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Our sources tell us that you’ve released over 50 records and CDs since the Forties.
Sunny: I’m the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: You’ve been pickin and singin for over 70 years. Sooner or later you’re gona drop dead. How do you feel about the hereafter?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: After reviewing several of your songs it appears that you concentrate on simple, repetitious themes that could become annoying after a while.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: We see that you travel with a complete orchestra. Are all these members really necessary or do you just like to be extravagant?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: There are plenty of musicians, such as Muddy Waters, B.B. King, John Hurt, John Lee Hooker and others who might claim to be the king of the blues.
Sunny: But I am the king of the blues, baby.
Horseshoe: According to your agent you received that boom box as a gift from Yassar Arafat after a performance in Palestine.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: It’s really loud. Can you turn it down so we can talk some more?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: He also told us you were the tenth of eleven kids born to sharecroppers around the turn-of-the-century. How old are you anyway?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: You don’t look that old.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: One would think that all the drinking and partying would take its toll on a fellow your age.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: The liner notes on your King of the Blues album say you’ve been married eight times and have fathered more than 40 children.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: What did you and all of those wives find to talk about.
Sunny: Ain’t you been listenin’? I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Read any good books lately?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Here, eat these guitar strings.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Nice day. You think it’ll rain this afternoon?
Sunny: It’s possible.

Continued when a string breaks

Moooooooooooo…

Feeding time in Hooterville

Out for a drive on the Western Slope this weekend? Did you ever wonder why all those hicks keep so many cows around their houses? There’s a method to the madness as our diagrams and data will show.

1. Mr Rancher gets up before the sun every morning to fed his dairy cows. He feeds them pails of water and hay. They don’t drink coffee and eat doughnuts like you. The cows enjoy their breakfast inside the barn in stalls about the size of your condo’s bedroom. Cows like picnics, NASCAR and just about any outdoor event that breaks up the monotony.

Ain’t this a blast!

2. Later that morning the cows return the favor. Fueled by the crunchy sustenance the cows give back an assortment of products like milk, cream, eggs, lettuce and onions. That is why Mr. Rancher lets them loiter around on his land near his house all day.

3. Then Mr Rancher loads his homegrown hay for tomorrow or he goes to the feed store for vaccine and dehorner and the entire procedure begins again.

November 29, 2015

Dinner at Joe’s in DC

Happy Holidays. My family at dinner at Joe’s in Washington DC. Great food and company.