All Entries Tagged With: "Rockies"

Why don’t we have a President like Pepe?

GOOGLE THIS GUY! Tired of politicians in the US? Check out the stats on Jose Alberto “Pepe” Mujica Cordano who was President of tiny Uruguay until 2015. A Social Democrat, he and Tabare Vasquez have changed the country for the better while avoiding the entrapments of regular day to day political meanderings. He drives an old VW Beetle and lives in his tiny house on the outskirts of Montevideo while giving away most of his small salary.

Are We Reasonable Anymore?

(Sicilian-Hibernian Report  —  April 15, 2016)

Due to an apparent crisis of confidence in the American people, the United States Supreme Court, in cooperation with the Surgeon General and the Transportation Safety Administration, has downgraded the American version of the near universally recognized “Reasonable Man” standard to the slightly less rigorous but much better fitting “Barely Above An Idiot” standard.

An embarrassed  United States Supreme Court has determined that because there are so few actual ‘reasonable men’ left in America upon which to draw criteria to implement the ‘reasonable man’ standard, and because the public at large is largely unreasonable, the standard ‘reasonable man’ standard no longer cuts the mustard.

The highest Court in the land has lowered the bar and media reaction has been ecstatic labeling the case the “Call A Spade A Spade” decision.

Quoting from the Summary at the front of the Opinion (because nobody likes to read the whole thing):
“Americans are no longer legally bound to behave like reasonable men even if they are women. From now on, the American people will bear no burden or expectation of acting reasonably, in any situation, any longer, by anyone’s standards. Notwithstanding the foregoing, all immigrants shall continue to be required to be reasonable at all times, temporarily, until we figure out what’s going on.”

Writing for the Court’s majority the late Justice Antonin Scalia had once noted that the Court’s ruling could be seen as a recognition that the nation had become a “continental community of unreasonable nitwits who can no longer grasp the golden ring of reasonable behavior and thought.”

In a stunning development, the ghost of the said Scalia has appeared in front of the Supreme Court building confiding to corporate media nearby that “most Americans wouldn’t know a reasonable man if one soundly slapped them like a wet salmon.”

Meanwhile Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that regardless of the fish reference, Justice Scalia wouldn’t know a reasonable man dressed in black robes or white ones.

*Justice Sotomayor noted for the record that she has no intention of paying any attention to this ruling and she doesn’t expect anyone else to do so either.
*Justice Kennedy disagrees with the decision but believes it is not so bad as to be unreasonable and prefers to ‘get along’ so Justice Kennedy therefore joins in the majority.
*Justice Clarence Thomas added nothing and desires readers to guess at whether he joined the majority or the minority in this decision or possibly just blew this one off.

– Ms. Lina Baquere

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One Too Many Cowboy Poets

April day, 2016

A cowboy poet
in dungless
pointy-toes
had little to say
but he talked like
a real cowpuncher
would talk.

With a twang and
a drooped mustache
that head under
a big ol’ Stetson,
the drugstore way to smell like alfalfa
or an early autumn cutting.

From a Ralph Lauren
catalogue his monogrammed chaps
stood out like raw meat
in a school of sharks,
backed up to spurs from Mars
or some such locale
too far from the corral
to be a serious contender.

And the cows think it’s all
so very funny
even though they are
the leather
that holds it all together.

Dinner Table at the Spiders
If you’re going to
the spider’s house for dinner
do not be put off by
fly stew.

-Kevin Haley

In the woods near Manizales

Eco Hotel La Juanita sits on a forested slope a short cab or bus ride from restaurants and the urban life in Manizales, Colombia. Incredible views, spa, pool, horses. Nice neighborhood for walking around. Rocio Ortiz and Laura Soto welcome you.

TV Hospitals Offer Discount Surgery

(Hollywood, CA – Prime Medical Journal – April 12, 2016)

Television hospitals will now offer discount surgical procedures and recovery therapy at a lower cost according to the producers of such popular programs as ER, Mercy and Chicago Hope.

Long-subsidized by the AMA these programs often blur the line between fantasy and reality, prompting the witticism “I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on television.”

“We’ve been on the air so long that most of our characters have died or should have by now,” said Rosy Sinbad, who plays the notorious Wella Setter, a pill-popping social worker at a big city hospital. “Our program takes a candid peak into the lives of doctors, nurses, patients, ambulance drivers and candy stripers as well as friends, family, lovers and adversaries of same,” said Sinbad.

“And we don’t take Wednesday afternoons off to play golf either,” she went on. “We’re in makeup then multiple takes, then prop changes, then studying lines, then personal appearances.”

Sinbad flinched then gulped when asked if they still made house calls.

Television medicine people say they can perform most surgeries for about one third the going rate. They generally have gaps during the workday so as to accommodate other working people. Most of the cutting occurs on camera and thus protects everyone from malpractice suits. The cost is usually the cheapest one will find unless he leave the country to seek medical help. That, the AMA reminds us, could be dangerous since the medicine used outside the United States is “…not as good”, adding that “You’re likely to be killed by terrorists.”

“Most viewers in the advanced stages of television dependency think the actor doctors are real, so what’s the difference?” asked a proponent of what he calls “reaching out through the television set.”

The response so far has been nothing short of phenomenal. Patients can cut out the fat of recuperative cost by recovering right here on the set. Most end up with bit parts on actual TV shows and a rare few become stars.

It was not clear if such medical resources as General Hospital, Marcus Welby, Ben Casey and that horny little Doogie House would be eligible for a seat at the trough. The group plans legal action that has quickly morphed into a further television program called National Health Insurance where nations skim a slice of fat off the military meat pole to pay for its citizens’ well being.

Already critics say the plan will never work because it is too European for American audiences.

– Fred Zeppelin

Spiders Gain Three Seats

(Weblander, Desertahara — Arachnid Follies — April 11, 2016)

Western Slope spiders have gained three seats in the Colorado House and may be pushing for a pro-spider senator according to reports crawling and scampering into this cultural center. According to the 2010 Census the state spider population has skyrocketed (23% growth) earning the Arana Party a dramatic increase in representation.

Whispered conversations overheard in dark cellars and crawl spaces all over the Rockies suggests that the eight-legged beasts may be planning to run a populist candidate for the White House in 2016. Spiders have for centuries suffered from a severe public relations problem: Humans tend to squash them whenever they enter homes of places of business.

The arachnids hope that their higher visibility in the capital will present their plight in a better light and press for full autonomy. Attempts to ally themselves with insect splinter groups have failed miserably due to spider arrogance and the dance of the current food chain.

“In closing, we would like to remind allies and potential allies that we are not insects,” said one organizer.

-Boogey Tuesday