All Entries Tagged With: "Ridgway"

COPS NET POT

(Pea Green Peeper – July 25, 2015)

Police here have confiscated an estimated 15,000 gallons of illegal marijuana, grown and harvested without a permit. The contraband was discovered by air Friday night. The growers had no plan as to how to dispose of the often-lucrative cash crop, although trips to Kansas and Utah had been discussed according to attorneys for the suspects.
The shed that housed the drying process was sold for an estimated $120,000 this morning for the resin that had built up on interior walls in just three seasons.
“These boys ain’t none too bright but they appear to have stumbled across just the right hybrid strain, producing beautiful buds and spitting out quality clones. They’ve been clearing a tidy sum each month too,” said a former onion farmer next door.
The marijuana is said to have a street value of 1.2 million dollars that is more money than most people make around here in a month!
Authorities mentioned that liquid marijuana is quite rare in these parts since it is so hard to keep lit. In addition the force is more comfortable referring to the drug in dry measures.
“If the rogue growers turn to the metric system we’re all pretty much screwed anyway,” said one police officer.
Colorado law restricts the amount of marijuana one can grow and maintain on hand. Although the majority of farms are relatively small at present many fear the entrance of large Monsanto-type growing operations like the one terminated at Pea Green.
The pot will be sold with the proceeds going to buy a new police cruiser.
– Tommy Middlefinger

Las personas de edad, presentar rasgos comunes

(Ciencia de la Ciencia – Montrose, Colorado – 10 de enero 2015)
La mayoría de las personas son cada vez mayores, según un estudio realizado recientemente por un servicio nacional de internamiento. Los resultados, aunque no sorprende, representan los primeros datos de corte transversal recogidos sobre el tema.
Que todo el mundo tiene la misma fiesta de despedida al final es un lodazal menudo mencionar que reparte la igualdad sin prejuicio hacia la raza, color, credo u origen sexual / preferencia.
“Hemos encontrado que en todos los casos los participantes fueron cada vez mayores sobre una base anual,” compartió un encuestador. “Algunos siguen a mentir sobre su edad como si eso pudiera de alguna manera aplazar su llamada de la cortina cósmica”.
Hay indicios de que los jóvenes pasan mucho tiempo tratando de parecer más viejo, mientras que las personas mayores pasan casi la misma cantidad de tiempo tratando de parecer más joven. Los investigadores compararon el comportamiento a la de las mujeres asiáticas que cubren sus rostros en el sol mientras que el aceite de coco nieve blancos europeos don en salones persecución tratando de traer un poco de color a París.
Un hombre, que dijo que había olvidado su nombre, dijo a La Herradura, “Soy 87 años y no me preocupo por este tipo de cosas. La muerte es la única cosa que no tenemos que perder de vista. Vendrá a encontrar cuando llegue el momento
Llega “-. Ripple Van Winkle

“Francamente, estoy un poco cabreado con las masas.” – Karl Marx

next month

SPARTAN PICNICS…HOW TO EAT ANYTHING THIS SUMMER
Digestive tips and culinary shortcuts on everything from fleas to 747s
Miramonte Crawfish Bisque Festival Sold Out
PROFITS WILL GO TOWARD NORWOOD HILL GONDOLA
Doggie Vacations Even a Mutt Can Afford
Plus Expose ’99: The new line of chew toys is here!
BOOM VOYAGE – Day Trips for the Timid
AND
Dead Presidents Weigh In on Clinton’s Integrity
A FUZZY PICTORIAL ACCOUNT
The History on Moonshining in Ouray County
Celebrities Incognito through October
MAKING SENSE OF SLOTH ATTACKS
PLUS ONE WHOLE LOT MORE TO EAT, DRINK, ROLL IN,
FALL FROM AND BE AFRAID TO APPROACH.
Pick up your very own copy where opinions are laundered.

People Age, Exhibit Common Traits

(Science of Science – Montrose, Colorado – January 10, 2015)

     Most people are growing older according to a study recently conducted by a national internment service. The results, though hardly surprising, represent the first cross-section data collected on the subject.
That everyone gets the same going away party in the end is an often unmentioned quagmire that doles out equality without prejudice toward race, color, creed or sexual origin/preference.
“We found that in every case the participants were getting older on an annual basis,” shared one pollster. “Some continue to lie about their age as if that might somehow defer their cosmic curtain call.”
Indications are that young people spend a great deal of time trying to look older while older people almost spend the same amount of time trying to look younger. Researchers likened the behavior to that of Asian women covering their faces in the sun while snow white Europeans don coconut oil on chase lounges trying to bring a little color back to Paris.
One man, who said he had forgotten his name, told The Horseshoe, “I’m 87 years old and I don’t worry about this kind of thing. Death is the one thing we don’t have to keep track of. It will come find you when the time
Arrives.” – Ripple Van Winkle

“Frankly I’m a little bit pissed off at the masses.” – Karl Marx

Prostitutes Must Declare Gratuity

The Internal Revenue Service has put its foot down in the red light district. As of January, prostitutes working within the confines of the United States must declare tips if they wish to remain in compliance with the law.
The changes on the part of the taxing establishment sent shock waves through the underworld just as many sex workers were getting off the night shift Tuesday morning.
Many persons engaged in the illegal profession were visibly upset over the decision saying the IRS had once again overstepped itself, this time in a pair of racy stilettos. Calling the move an invasion of privacy many hookers say the government should look inward for lucrative sources of earnings.
“Why doesn’t the IRS clamp down on Congress and Wall Street where the big, fat whores reside,” asked a streetwalker who says she has not filed a tax return since 1995 when she quit her job as a social worker.
“These people should be made to declare bribes and gifts from lobbyists,” she said. “They all talk out of two or three sides of their mouths. Many of the pseudo-Christians are our best customers.”
The IRS has not wavered on this new fundraising scheme saying it is for the common good. Most civilized countries in the world allow prostitution within certain parameters and treat the social ill as a disease and not a felony. The victims are plentiful and the oldest profession is thriving.
“We just want to protect all of our citizens in this Puritan, 3.2 society that we have created here. After all, negotiating with money under the table can result in a terrible headache.” – Estelle Marmotbreath

Ladies of the Evening Protest “IRS Intrusion” on Livlihood

Ladies not happy about IRS ruling