All Entries Tagged With: "repsonse from our reader"
LETTERS TO THE PREDATOR
Dear Editor:
We read with much interest your piece on dinosaur poaching in the May issue. Does Stegosaurus really taste like chicken? Does the Filibeaux clan really survive the winters on eagle steak? Why didn’t any of the other papers cover this important story?
Jim-Bob Raisin, Ouray
To the editor:
I am a newly enrolled student at Western State College but I would never have attended this session if I knew the ski area at Crested Butte would be shut down all summer. How can people here expect enrollment to increase when there’s no skiing going on? Also, while I’m on the subject of positive diversions I am shocked to find that none of the Gunnison nightspots offer aquatic karaoke. Hey, it’s the rage back east! Maybe it’s high time Gunnison County as a whole put a pencil to the problem and developed some workable solutions to this embarrassing situation. All of us aren’t into fly fishing, rodeos and small talk. If things don’t improve pronto, I’m going back to Chicago.
Mario Ratshu, Oak Park, Illinois
Dear Melvin:
It’s true. I am declaring my candidacy for President of these United States and plan to run as the Republican aspirant in 2028. Considering the state of affairs around here I think I have as good a shot as the next guy. By the way, I have appreciated the coverage your publication has given my public and private life since 1980 when I was just a measly senator from Indiana. I wanted to break the news first in the Horseshoe since it seemed like the appropriate place to do so. See you at the second whistle stop. Marilyn says howdy.
ˇ J. Danforth Quayl, Kokomo, Indiana
Dear Editor:
Please refrain from making fun of the Hutus and the Tutsis in your well respected publication. Publicity of this type only adds fuel to the fire that has been burning under the surface in Rwanda for years. Your circulation here in Kigali is much more extensive than you may have believed. PS: Thanks for hiring our gorillas. At least they may look forward to better days. We are anxious to see their by-lines in future issues. It could only improve the editorial content.
Mutumbar Jones, Rwandan Embassy, Washington DC
Dear General:
Attempting to solve the world’s problems through military intervention and economic sanctions is not working. Instead the United States should concentrate on invading only peaceful countries who are not likely to pull us into yet another quagmire. Why not leave North Korea, Iraq, Bosnia and Haiti alone and redirect our military priorities toward countries like Holland or Canada? Switzerland hasn’t been invaded since the days of Hannibal. Shouldn’t that nation be prime by now? What about a return to Grenada since, thanks to Ronald Reagan that island is once again pacified? Other potential targets for our military hardware are The South Pole, Greenland, Oz, the Shire and Shangri La. Surely everyone can understand the need to test our burgeoning arsenal of weapons but at what cost?
Pete Hangstaff, Falls Church, VA
To Whom It May Concern:
A lot of people thought you were just kidding when you wrote the story about the new oxygen pipeline from the Western Slope to Denver. Most believed you were simply trying to bring attention to the problem of the Brown Cloud and the environmental decay common to that once beautiful city. The enclosed photograph, snapped on Highway 285 near Conifer should verify all your claims and leave the doubting thomases in the dust. It clearly shows construction crews unloading pipe for that tedious chore. Thanks for uncovering this significant issue. Feel free to print the picture in your next issue.
Francisco Fatima Penal, Prairie Transportation Secretary
Dear Melvin:
Maybe I will play Norwood this summer or at least Paradox.
Garth Brooks, Nashville
Dear Editor:
All this talk about the presence of Grizzlies in Western Colorado has gone far enough. For your information there is one attempting to pump gas at my convenience store right now. The only problem is that she can’t get the unleaded nozzle into her gas tank and is becoming quite angry. I thought I saw it all during Bluegrass. I just hope she doesn’t want to use the bathroom too.
Warren of Wexley, Telluride
Dear General:
Can you use your influence to help find an appropriate date for the 1995 Montrose Harpoon Festival? The idea of holding it over the Fourth of July Weekend conflicts with the Lighter Than Air Balloon Affaire and only spells trouble down the road. Thanks for your assistance in this potentially explosive matter.
Elliott Chamber-Montbattan, Oak Grove
