All Entries Tagged With: "Ouray"
Jai Alia Nacional pasatiempo para muchos
(Corral Gables – El Diablo Libro de imágenes – June 3, 2016)
El deporte del Jai Alai fue votado como el deporte más popular en una encuesta realizada por los intereses de juego aquí. De largo asociado con las apuestas y la velocidad, el deporte a menudo se ha jugado sin público con grandes apuestas realizadas en el resultado.
Su aumento de la popularidad se le atribuye en parte al éxito de ley de lacrosse de casino, una versión pervertida de la vieja deporte nativo. Lacrosse Casino surgió en Colorado junto con estacas limitados los juegos de azar en la década de 1990 y la marihuana legal en 2013.
Alto rango en todas las encuestas indican que los estadounidenses se están volviendo aún más perezoso Deportes espectáculo. Prefiriendo para ver en vez de participar, un indicio serio de la inteligencia más baja, la mayoría de la gente sentía que viendo era menos peligroso más fácil en la capacidad de atención individual. Casinos hoy ofrecen partidos televisados de este deporte para los que son demasiado perezosos o distraído para recoger a una mano de cartas.
– Gabby Haze
Deadheads’ Dogs Detained
(Red Rox — Canned Canine News — March 2016)
Several hundred arrested dogs, allegedly associated with Deadheads, have been released from three Denver Animal Control Units this morning. The animals were nabbed outside a recent Grateful Dead concert held her, near Morrison, Colorado.
According to a report security people called the dog cops when it became apparent none of the pooches were prepared to buy tickets and were about to storm the gates.
“Some skinny hippie by the name of Morrison paid their bail and we had no choice but to release them,” said a uniformed officer. “We’ll all be in court before summer.”
The dogs were released in downtown Denver, given a cheap suit and ten dollars and told stay out of trouble. They immediately headed west toward Red Rocks.
Attempts to positively identify the dogs’ benefactor have failed. No one in Morrison seems to know anyone named Morrison currently residing in Morrison.
– Attila Diggins
Mammoth TV Still Holding Hostages
(Blanding, UT — That’s News to Me — May 31, 2016)
A 220-inch Sony Trinitron-Mega Brain Television continues to hold about a dozen people hostage over the noon hour, according to police on their way to lunch. Seven former prisoners of the appliance were released this morning just as the FBI arrived on the scene.
“The hostages walked right out the front door at Melvin’s Three-Hour Donut and Digital TV Hut,” said one unreliable source. “They looked like they were in some sort of trance.”
Limited information tells us that the seven were released after negotiators pressed the issue of often moronic shows, re-runs and fear-based news programs, and the TV capitulated. But not before a barrage of curses at the cops that had now surrounded the strategic target with more than 1400 officers and a Just Say No tank, on loan from the government of Colombia.
It was not completely clear if the actions were politically motivated or if the TV just popped it’s top prior to the seizures. Police, armed with radios, have threatened to rush the front door unless the television surrenders peacefully.
The armament status of the TV is not known.
The proprietor of Mel’s was on vacation in Mexican Hat at the time of the incident and could not be contacted for what would have undoubtedly been another of his long-winded, multi-directional comments.
– Susie Compost
Nancy Reagan Opium War Atrocities Cited
(Santa Barbara — Boxer Blues — May 30, 2016)
With a full disclosure pending, a spokesman for the late Nancy Reagan has conducted a tight-lipped denial of involvement in the Opium War, fought between Britain and China in the 1840s. Reagan, who had not been believed to be that old, was allegedly up to her neck in the transportation of opium, despite later distinguishing herself with the phrase “Just Say No.”
That was about the time a young, now deceased, Ronald Reagan began his decades-long romance with Laudanum. The connection here seems clear enough. Whether either of the Reagans knew about or actively participated in any battles was never established.
Attorneys for the former President and First Lady confirmed that they would address grievances adding that any Chinese resident who could prove he or she as alive and affected 150 years ago would be given a Gold Gucci credit card, compliments of Reagan Estate.
(The details in this story are not true but printed anyway as has become the fashion of the modern media. In short, if Faux News can broadcast hateful lies about living persons we can print ridiculous lies about the deceased.)
