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CONGRESS AGREES ON GUN CONTROL LEGISLATION

(For Mideast)

(KUWAIT) In what many are calling unprecedented non-partisan action, the United States House and Senate passed a sweeping gun control bill today, for the Middle East.

     Unable to agree on similar legislation for their own country, the lawmakers voted unanimously to limit the flow of assault weapons to Iraq, Iran, Syria, Afghanistan, Egypt, Mali, Somalia and Palestine.

     Congratulating themselves across the aisle on the decision, the Congress then officially praised itself on the courageous application of Democratic ideals and the export of freedom, before retiring to an overpriced luncheon at a local Washington bistro. It was not clear how the action would affect the powerful weapons lobby or future military contracts in the various constituencies across the land.

     “Quite frankly I didn’t think the two sides could agree on anything,” said Alabaster Toolini, a lobbyist for the Italian sunglasses and shoe industry. “I suppose that it is feasible to think that someone in the Iraq might adhere to the new limits in exchange for electricity or clean water.”

     Toolini, an accomplished Calabrian chef and (Frank) Sinatra look-alike, expressed concern over the implementation of the restrictions in places like Syria and Afghanistan where war has become as common as an afternoon sand storm or in Iran where the government already controls weapons.

     Although no concrete plan was unveiled to jump start (fertilize) the new gun control legislation, leaders in the Senate said it was “a new beginning in altruistic attempts to create a lasting peace in the tumultuous region”. – Abdul “Mickey” Sands

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