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Ancient Chicken or The Egg Controversy Turns Ugly

(East Egg Yolk) What was once a friendly discussion as to the origins of a species has turned into a loony turf battle pitting armed gangs of bandy roosters bent on ruffling feathers, clucking away as to the beginnings of the speicies.

A historically conservative and hesitant agriculture corner has always remained off the grid when it comes to tedious questions and answers about origins, destinations and organic fertilizers The cyclical nature of all that grows and prospers has always dominated thought down on the farm, but now old wounds and resentments are forefront.

“These disturbances indicate much more serious cracks in the system,” said Isa Brown, a Rhode Island Red from Beak Peek Poultry in Pinkyville. “Frankly I’m shocked at the behavior of many of our birds. I thought they didn’t give a hoot about highbrow primitive theories and technical aspects of the order of evolution.”

With even the opinionated hen houses (read: female gangs) joining in the fray, turning over cars, starting fires, and refusing to sit for the long hours of incubation, they avoid direct conflict preferring to engage in a clucking guerrilla war. Already small cadres have left calling cards at grocery stores, fast food locations and petting zoos. These radicals are threatening to shut down the egg industry unless the grand question (chicken or egg arrival) is answered.

The two armed camps appear to be licking wounds this afternoon preparing for more disturbances after dark. Both groups are demanding that their school of thought be the acknowledged explanation for the arrival of the chicken or the egg . No chicken wants to hear from other chickens unless they are of comparable thought.

“One must understand that this ain’t no Penny Penny drama here,” continued Brown, face contorted, eyes in fear. We have surpassed the smoothing feathers phase, cackling for an end to the ancient controversy. “Ain’t nobody brooding with all these distractions. Consumers will be paying more for eggs unless there is some solution acceptable to all sides,” he winced. 

Hardboiled elements on both sides of the yolk claim that the only way to decide the issue is by force. They insist that the hapless chicken population would undoubtedly continue to wallow in ignorance unless jolted severely.

“This entire mismanagement of science makes us look stupid,” said Red Jungle-Fowl, a genetically altered  “I don’t recall this controversy rising with in the herds, primates or even the lizards, and we’re not asking the proverbial question as to why anyone (man or chicken) crossed any road. That’s another issue altogether,” he smiled.

An estimated 16,000 eggs have been peeled since the gangs charged out of the coop last year. Over 200,000 have been displaced and the troubles appear to be idling in the infant stages. Meanwhile principals complain that they are reduced to walking on egg shells.

– Tommy Middlefinger