State cracks down on counterfeit barbecue aromas

(Gunnison) With the summer coming to a close, the Colorado Health Department has set new restrictions on escaping food odors, especially when the gastronomic source is unconfirmed. Popular fragrances, like those emanating from slowly smoked meats, are expected to be the first to go under the microscope.

Is this simple protectionism from an overzealous government agency? The effort is aimed at a less than appreciative populace that overwhelmingly feels it can make its own olfactory decisions.

Many industry spokespersons say the state has no place in curbing non-threatening scents and that the diversity in their culinary art is celebrated through the familiar bouquet generated by the cooking over traditional hardwoods. They demand an end to the interference which they claim diminishes the entire eating experience.

Meanwhile the government insists it is reevaluating phony aromas that may mislead people as to what’s for dinner.

“We don’t want a lot of culinary disappointments clouding prospective menus,” said one official. “We want people to smell the right smell and react in a positive manner. If we allow the presence and acceptance of bogus aromas we could throw off the entire food chain.”

The source went on to say that her agency is highly concerned with maintaining a passive population at all times.

“Pavlovian expectation can be devastating to a social order that wallows in promises of better days to come” she explained.

Pulling out a handy anatomical chart, she reminded consumers that the sense of smell is one of the five human senses along with sight, sound, feeling and taste. That said it was apparent everyone was not buying in to this latest safeguard.

“Why doesn’t our benevolent gov’ment address the subject of pollution and the rotting ozone instead of instituting high-handed limits on secondary aromas? asked one consumer advocate. “We’re not talking life threatening rudiments like fossil fuel pollution or even cigarette smoke here.”

Other critics say that governments prefer to frighten its citizenry with mindless concerns while ignoring real issues that are beyond its reach. They cite decisions to drop bombs rather than repair bridges.

“Diversions like barbecue smells mask the inability to solve real social problems and maintain infrastructure,”said the consumer advocate. “Sadly. the voters get the leaders they deserve.”

Colorado and other states fear the federal wing of the growing mess will cut off matching funds if they do not comply with the new precincts.

-Uncle Pahgre