Skunk Shortage Worries Officials

(Ouray — Black and White Gazette — May 2, 2016)

A drastically reduced skunk population in these hills has leaders here scurrying around trying to cover the bases. A wet winter, combined with cooler evening temperatures in the early spring may have driven the aromatic mammals into the Badlands of New Mexico and could create a serious imbalance in Colorado.

“Normally we can monitor the healthy skunk population by inversion mathematics,” said a Department of Transportation biological source. “For decades it has been our practice to count the road kill on Mondays and divide by 12 to determine a monthly projection. “This year everything began like normal, and then in September we noticed a chronic drop in highway pancakes. It’s all quite frightening.”

It was not clear how the diminished population would affect summer celebrations such as Fourth of July. Already promoters are expressing concern over a less than skunky Ice Festival. Principles were quick to deny that the current skunk crisis had anything to do with the legalization of marijuana in Colorado.

In order to take advantage of skunk resources leaders stressed that every man, woman and child in Colorado must cooperate with local organizations intent on conserving our skunk packs. Some expressed guarded concern that the additional skunks might have to be purchased from Utah so as to make it through this calamity.

– Small Mouth Bess