Shortage of Caves Plagues Hibernating Bear

(Lake City) Burgeoning numbers amid the bear population has resulted in a housing crunch this winter with many bruins unable to find suitable caves. Already in Hinsdale County, the situation has translated into more town visits and a number of bears facing winter on the street, without protection.

     Bear have been observed sleeping under logs and pushing smaller mammals like marmots and skunks from traditional redoubts. Residents have reported more bears prowling around town when they should be sound asleep. The animals need more to eat while awake than while hibernating leading to a crisis.

     Despite the construction of new caves over the summer, many bear have vacated the Lake City region in search of homes in places like Creede and Ouray pressuring services in those locales. Development in bear habitat as well as a rise in the number of needy bears has resulted in the housing shortages there.

     “It’s almost as bad as potential employees searching for housing,” said one merchant. “It seems ridiculous that we face this annual crunch what with all the vacant trophy homes left empty for most of the year,” she said.

     Oddly enough, many bears have taken to squatting in vacant houses making them their winter homes. The problems here is that the bruins are not good housekeepers and often leave a path of destruction in their wake.

     “Imagine summer people returning to their homes in June to find their homes in shambles,” she continued. “What a shock and it might even be worse if the guest is still in residence.”

     Authorities fear that if the situation doesn’t improve before long local bears may blend into the general population of winter weary male residents and be undetectable until the spring thaw. Male residents are asked to shave beards, cut hair and bathe regularly so as not to be confused with the fury foragers.

     “It would be better for everyone if humans stayed indoors and bear stayed outdoors until May,” said our source, “but that might be wishful thinking.”

– Uncle Pahgre