“Shoot Back” on shelves for holidays

(Rifle, CO) The authentic, real war video, Shoot Back, that bleeds real blood and returns fire when confronted, is about to be released locally according to unreliable sources in Glenwood Springs. The controversial product, which was originally created to teach users respect for weapons and a disdain for war, is a video game on track to easily squash the already tight competition for Christmas.

Despite early praise for the interactive video, the deadeye National Rifle Association appears to have blinked, with the official endorsement of the video delayed until more data can be compiled. The NRA, usually an avid supporter of anything that shoots or blows up, is concerned that the new arrangement is a threat to its powder finger legions.

“If people start figuring out that firearms are not just a one-way street we may start losing out grassroots supporters,” said a spokesman for the gun lobby. “It’s the couch potato brigades that we are concerned about. We want to keep them scared and off balance. Many are just dying to pull the trigger.

“Our agenda is not compatible with our allies in a crossfire, said a supporter of laissez-faire gun laws.  “Yes, we want to maintain control, just not gun control.”

Critics of the NRA say that organization is pompous, self-serving and one-dimensional but fun at parties.

“Easy access to guns, stumblebum mental health treatment options and murderous video games are welded together,” said one weapons-control advocate. “Until we face up to all of the root problems related to these issues, we have nothing. The NRA is not a bad organization, but t he NRA isn’t helping the situation by creating paranoia and pointing the finger at anyone who happens to disagree with its philosophy. Yeah boy, guns are great if you are the one behind the trigger. If you are at the other end of the thing it may not be so great at all.”

Plenty of new users have complained of gunshot wounds as a result of playing Shoot Back. Although no deaths have yet been reported, inevitably the game must result in  fatality.

“We are increasingly appalled at the disregard for human life currently displayed with “entertainment” of this type,” said a guidance counselor at Lee Harvey Oswald Junior High School here. “If you think guns are the source of violence within the adolescent population think again. ”

“Part of the problem is that we do not like each other in this country,” said the source. “We’re not happy. We’re not proud of ourselves…at least inside. We have no respect for anyone, including ourselves. We know what makes a good person and we know we aren’t good people.”

Another glowing ember in this wild fire is that parents, if they are involved in the lives of their children, are not only chronically in denial that their child is twisted by all of this senseless destruction but all too willing to accept violence and anti-social behavior as part of the American culture, like Wal-Mart, fast food, twist-off caps and poodle shit. Let’s keep the peace at home. Everyone is good at the charade after years of practice, heh?

According to social scientists, video game players who continually see digital death and special effect violence on their cell phones will begin to see human suffering as a game too, a game that they can embrace or ignore just by pushing a button. It’s a game where nobody really gets hurt, or do they? When I point a weapon at someone and pull the trigger they won’t really get injured, or will they?                                                        – Dinty Moore