Senior Driving Law Expected to Pass

(Gunnison, CO — September 25, 2014) If pre-election indicators are correct, controversial senior citizens motor vehicle operation restrictions will be in force by January. The tougher driving laws make annual road tests mandatory for persons over 90 years of age.
The proposed test will include sight and hearing exams and reflex analysis. Persons who fail any of these tests will face suspension of driving privileges and in rare cases a short prison term. A crack appeals board, comprised of retired Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles employees, will intercede when needed, if able.
Driving tests for all residents may become more difficult too. It is anticipated that, starting in 2015 anyone who fails the written test more than 16 times must wait a full week before taking that part of the exam again.
“Competent seniors have nothing to worry about,” stressed one supporter of the possible legislation. “It’s for everyone’s protection. I am tired of trying to determine whether the senior RV driver in the left land is asleep or simply in a trance when I whiz by at 35 miles per hour.”
Other proponents of the move told The Horseshoe that the average 18-year-old, despite an estimated attention span of .034 minutes, has 900 times the reflex quotient than a driver over 80. After a pint of whiskey the coordinates begin to grow similar but the younger driver still laps the older one.
Critics of the concept are quick to cry foul, saying the idea discriminates against those found incapable of operating a wheelbarrow, golf cart, mule or canoe. They angrily add that with mass transit added to the national equation the issue would never have been on the ballot.
“If we had a decent bus system and passenger trains like most other civilized countries we could abandon this sticky issue and move on to more important confrontations like gay marriage and legal pot,” explained one irritated voter. “We don’t need any more damned infrastructure like those urban planners in Boulder always call for. We just need a bridges, highways, railways, in short a transportation system that responds to the needs of all of our citizens. There are lots of us out there who are not at all happy with the preparations that must be made just to get to church or the grocery.”
Many of them blame O’Bama.
A second citizen’s advocate group is carefully watching developments here prior to submission of a bill that would require all recreational vehicles to carefully pull over to the side of the road when it is holding up more than 36 other vehicles (the elusive square root of 6) on a state highway. This is the current law in Oregon (but numbers of delayed motorists may be lower) where drivers polled say RV operators have become far more considerate of other drivers. – Kashmir Horseshoe