Reader Survey

In order that we can better serve our advertisers we ask that our readers take a few minutes out of their busy routines and respond to this simple survey. DO NOT SIGN YOUR RETURN as we do not wish to meet you.

1. Explain your aversion to authority.

2. Are you currently a prisoner?

3. Name the communicable diseases you have contracted this month.

4. When was the last time you stole a car? 10 months? One month? Ten minutes?

5. Name your favorite prison.

6. Complete the following: My credit is currently…

7. Which sport do you most prefer?

a.) poker

b.) cock fights

c.) mud wrestling

8. Do you presently own a refrigerator? A bed? Chair?

9. What color is your dish?

10. Do you eat out often? Our of a can? Off discarded newspaper?

11. Are you much of a shoplifter?

12. How much money do you spend on liquor each month? Estimate.

13. Your highest education level attained….1st grade? 2nd grade? Phd?

14. Why do you so enjoy cattle mutilation? When?

15. Do you have a post office box on East Colfax Ave? Why?

16. How many books do you read in a year? None? One? Comic Books?

17. The best remedy to remove cheap wine stains from clothing is…

Thank you for spending your precious time on this little questionnaire. The tabulated results will help us to decide just who we are reaching and how better hoodwink advertisers. Happy trails!