AMERICAN CABBIES FLOCKING TO MIDEAST

(Karachi, Pakistan) U.S. cab drivers are moving to the Mideast in droves according to sources here. The phenomenon, which has drastically flip-flopped the cabbie trade balance between North America and the Arab world, has yet to be explained.

Surviving social scientists in Syria and in Afghanistan say the shift comes as a result of lucrative job prospects in the oil-rich Mideast combined with the desire to experience adventure. Cynics in places as distinct as Iran and Oman say the Americans have arrived so as to avoid the growing violence in U.S. urban centers.

“There are few robberies or other acts of violence aimed at cab drivers here,” said a police chief in Tehran. “That is because we punish offenders in ways which are quick and final. Imagine a society where a thief loses a hand and a rapist loses…well…he loses too. In the United States violent criminals know they can get away easy and people like cab drivers are prime targets.”

One problem, the language barrier, does not seem too serious as stumbling block since American cab drivers have worked with Mideast drivers for decades.

“Some of the rudest drivers in New York City aren’t from the Bronx or Brooklyn. They’re from garden spots like Mecca and Alexandria. They had to learn to be rude by impersonating their Yankee counterparts. It didn’t take long. Most of our people are capable of assimilation.”

A majority of ex-patriot cabbies have some command of various Mideastern dialects from listening to co-workers in places like Philadelphia and Chicago.

“I picked up a few choice phrases and some invaluable glaring techniques working with cabbies from Istanbul to Calcutta,” said one San Francisco trained cabbie who now makes his home in Ankara, Turkey. “It’s all a matter of presence. After this experience I could probably sell real estate in Tel Aviv.”

Although pay is high, by U.S. standards, tips are all but nonexistent. Cabbies must learn to negotiate often steaming traffic peppered with livestock and carts of all description. After work most look forward to tea rather than alcoholic beverages.

“They’ve all got radios which are, by design, cranked up to an infinite decibel level,” said one Turkish sociologist conducting a study of alien work habits for a Gallipoli truck driving academy. “They all yell at each other for entertainment just like we do. It’s a simple matter of a world economy coming full circle.”– Suzie Compost