Potholes Gobble Up Seasonal Victim

Gaping potholes on local highways have consumed 15 victims since the snow melt, according to Harvey Birdseed, Director of Pavement for the Western Slope. Among the persons lost are Alvin Gatt, 59, of Gunnison; Thelrod Hinkleman, 67, of Delta and Cyril Fern, 40, of Telluride.

Princess Irm Peawit of Montrose and Myrna Myrth of Ridgway Mountain Village are feared missing as they have not shown up at bingo or their designated feeding stations since early Tuesday.

The other victims are out-of-staters and of no concern to this website. Each year hundreds of deaths are caused by potholes, small, aggressive parasites that live deep down in the pavement. Each spring they awake from hibernation, dazed and angry and in search of a good meal.

The Highway Department has been innovative in attempts to control the melee, including blowing away pieces of its own highway (as on Route 50 between Montrose and Gunnison) to rid the state of these injustices. Success has been limited. The “patch jobs” only last through fall or until the relentless potholes resurface in the spring.

“Cracks in bridges are something altogether,” said Birdseed. “That’d be under “failing infrastructure”.

-Small Mouth Bess