Parties donate presidential ad budgets to Head Start, Dreamers

(Milwaukee) Monies earmarked for advertising in the 2020 Presidential campaign by both Democrats and Republicans will be rerouted to struggling social programs rather than pissed away on entrenched, party-line American voters who have already decided on their ballot choices.

The largest sums cut were those previously going to television ads aimed at the most ignorant fringes of the nation.  Other monies generally directed at newspapers, radio and Internet are to be instead donated to displaced people all over the world.

“Every election year we piss away millions trying to get the wrong people in office,” said Ted Ende, a consultant for candidates as distinct as Walter Mondale and Sarah Palin. “Look around you. Our highways are rotting. Our bridges are falling down. Our sense of community is dying. The first responsibility of an elected official is to protect his people — not to get reelected.”

As most of our well-oiled readers probably know by now both former political parties in the United States have agreed on strict term limits on elected officials and the banishment of lobbyists from the nation’s capital. In addition:

1. Draconian clean air and water measures will be implemented. Auto emissions will be strictly imposed.

2. All salaries and benefits once paid to already wealthy Congressmen will be redirected to fund the poorest schools in the country.

3. Corporate welfare will be terminated immediately. This includes the Pentagon.

4. Demeaning assaults on the natural human lifestyle will be considered felonious and provocative actions, punishable by fines and imprisonment.

5. Congressional pensions and lifetime free health care that has become another form of welfare will be eliminated as of January 1, 2021.