OURAY BEAR WATCHING FULL TIME AFFAIR

(Carne Canyon) The bear came over the mountain. Then another, and more. Soon, as the autumn arrived in the San Juans it became apparent that garbage bins, dog food dishes and apple trees were the main attraction. In September an evening walk would likely result in a sighting of another hungry, generally docile, beast on his way to dinner. In October the bears are still out on the town inducing residents to wonder when and if the animals would ever go to sleep.

Take a walk on the wild side…After dark in Ouray one is more likely to see a bear than another human, well almost. In an attempt to review these entertaining occurrences we have collected the more colorful accounts herein. Let us appreciate and not judge the mighty bear. You try feeding a family of porky 300-pounders on roots and berries.

Carpe

“At just about dark on September 23 I went out to check on a splashing sound in my hot tub only to discover a large bear soaking. I went back into the house for my camera but when I returned he had vacated the premises. I only hoped he had not gone into the woods to recruit more hairy party animals. All he left behind was a badly worn towel.”

– W. Sammy Carpe, Whispering Blazes

Pitt

“One evening after drill in late September my wife, Gwen, and I were sipping on our fourth and close to final gin and bitters when a small cub wandered right into the yard and pushed over the Weber. Before I could day Jack Spratt he gobbled up two tenderloins and was off. Fortunately he didn’t get the Yorkshire pudding, or our pet Yorkie for that matter. Nonetheless dinner was ruined, Duckett’s had closed for the day and we were forced to subsist on head cheese till morning.”

– Colonel Abshite Pitt, 2nd or 3rd Street, Manana

“It was the middle of the night. I heard a crash in the kitchen. When I got up I saw a large hairy beast at the sink eating salami. I figured it was my husband, Earl, in his black silk karate robe. I went back to sleep. In the morning I awoke to quite a mess and remembered that Earl had been away on business in Colona the previous evening. What an experience!”

– Madalaine Crab-Leggit, Madonna Creek

Leggit

“It was almost dawn on October 2. I went out for my daily ritual of checking my marijuana plants only to find a mature male bear eating them. I clanged a few pans together to scare him off but only when I fired off my sidearm did him scram. The damage was done. It looks like I’ll have to survive on cheap whiskey all winter.”

– Gloria Minske, no address given

Minsk – third from left during a political rally at Mar de Lard.

“It was broad daylight. I was on my way out of the post office when three adolescent bears approached me demanding spare change. Looking around I realized I had no backup so I handed each of them a dollar. Later I received an unfair lecture from the game warden. Three bucks is better than the alternative.”

Elochs with his two daughters

– Walter Gold Elochs, Camp Bird Road

“I had been to the dinner at a friends’ one night and decided not to drive home. I went to lock my pickup only to discover a sow sitting behind the wheel. I just kept walking, making a mental note to stay off the Campari and to roll up the windows of my truck from now on.”

Bruin

– Sly Kodiak, DallasTrail Estates

“I don’t want to talk about it. I’m scared of bears.

– Suga Bruin, Dallas, TX

Denied political prisoner status, this

innocent enough young black bear

awaits transport to a reservation in Utah.

These eye-witness chronicles represent only a fraction of the bear sightings in Ouray this fall. Do you have one to share? E-Mail us at uncompahgre@bearscat.com.