Monarch sponsors gravity seminar

The Tenth Royal Monarch Ski Legion will sponsor a Gravity Seminar on Wednesday, July 8, for people who believe in that sort of thing. The morning presentation is meant to bring attention to the “perils, plights and pitfalls” of summer skiing in dry and paltry conditions while the afternoon sessions will focus on the dangers inherent in falling from heights any time of the year.

“We must educate our following to the as to the risks of injury while skiing during daylight hours and on the hazards of driving around at night, even if you are caucasian,” said Wyreen “Poles” Ackerman, PhD, BFD, LSMFT, the academic credited with coordinating the lectures which are expected to raise more than $50 for charity.

Not to be confused with gravy, gravity is defined as the natural phenomenon of attraction between massive bodies. The use of the word gravity to denote the seriousness of a situation or the solemnity of behavior could certainly be implied according to sources familiar with this kind of thing.

While many have attempted to thwart these physical laws, few have succeeded. The date for the seminar is appropriate in that it is the last day of summer ski season, as we know it. Flat Earth snowboarders will not be admitted until after the baby shower exhibit is retired for lunch. No capes, feathers or oversized umbrellas will be permitted on the grounds during the colloquium.

Next Seminar “How Do Airplanes Stay Up in the Sky?” is slated for August 13. Bring a covered fish. No Irish.