Marijuana Cholesterol Free – FDA

(Montrose, CO      High and Low, April, 2035    April 26, 2016)

In a bold move to protect one of the nation’s most lucrative industries the US Food and Drug Administration has declared marijuana to be cholesterol free. During a stopover here top administration sources voiced support for further legalization of the weed for medical and recreational use.

Since 1950 the FDA and assorted government health agencies have labored to find some danger in the smoking or eating of the herb. They have found very little especially compared to other sins such as alcohol and tobacco. This latest announcement was seen as capitulation by some, as logical by most and as the end of the world by others .

The regulatory agency insisted that the expanding worldwide markets for North American cannabis had no impact on the decision.

“We don’t care who politicizes this issue,” said one scientist. “The facts are the facts and pot does not create bad cholesterol. While the marijuana smoker is not putting himself at risk, he is no healthier than anyone else .”

Ever since the demise of fossil fuel use in 2020 the federal government has been searching for assets to exploit. Now in 2035, despite ancient fears as to legalizing the evil weed t he brink may finally be in view, even though many states in the South and Midwest continue to cling to ignorance and superstitions with regards to the herb.

Marijuana can now be sold alongside chicken and fish and just around the corner from the organic aisle.

– Fred Zeppelin