Major Advertisers Look to Mega Trials For Exposure

(New York) Some of the biggest spenders in the national advertising arena are pushing for access to high visibility trials it was disclosed today. Citing the Comey Hearings and the recent Sessions sideshow as lost revenue, the powerful money folk vowed to open new avenues in an attempt to sell their products.

“The television networks are behind us,” said Bunny Ears, Executive Director of Day in Court, an organization made up of Fortune 500 advertisers. “First of all we want the big trials televised, then we want to buy time on the broadcasts. Football just doesn’t produce enough blood to reach the more modern TV consumer.”

Toole assured reporters that the process would start slow with subtle messages displayed throughout the courtroom.

“We could have a beer ad on the judge’s bench and a promotional dispatch featuring laundry detergent on the backs of the juror’s chairs,” explained Ears. “Further marketing pleas could emerge in such wasted spaces as the court reporter’s shirt or on sandwich boards outside the chambers.”

Some officials like the idea saying that advertising revenue would cut the cost of trying an accused felon.

“Take the classic Theodore Kaczynski case and the Terry Nichols hearings. Look at the Carlos the Jackal trial in Paris,” said one prosecuting attorney. “Look at OJ and Cosby. The public has a right to watch the play-by-play in their living rooms.”

Of course there are trials that would be hands off, like a recent British Nanny acquittal.

“There’s very little money in nannies,” said Ears.

– Rocky Flats