Local Border Collie Bound for Cambridge

Rusty moments after accepting the
Campbell Scholarship in Cork Friday

(Ridgway) A very intelligent border collie named Rusty has been awarded the prestigious (Leonard) Campbell Fellowship for study at Cambridge University near London. The grant/scholarship pays for every facet of the canine’s education including housing, food and materials with a monthly stipend of $600 for travel on the European continent. He is also recipient of the Phi Dog Phi Award for academic excellence and the Pavlov Prize for athleticism.

Rusty’s field of study/expertise will be Psycho-Primal Anthropology with emphasis on The Human Food Chain.

Although exhibiting some mixed feelings about leaving his fine life on the Haywire Ranch at Cow Creek, Rusty has accepted the offer to study abroad. He will finish the curriculum in three years and spend summers in Colorado. Upon graduation his options most likely run from a professorship to clinical research to herding livestock.

“He’s smarter than anyone in our family,” said Jed Pinwheel, Rusty’s sponsor and father figure. “That dog new how to count all of the chickens before and after they hatched. His hunger for knowledge put him paws and tails above the rest of the cow dogs around here. He was focused. That boy was always focused.”

Rusty, a eunuch in his own right, is not the first four-legged creature to attend Cambridge. A common British house cat, named Criseyde, with an IQ off the charts studied here in the 60s only to withdraw from classes due to an unexpected pregnancy. She currently lives in Cleveland.

Meanwhile back at the ranch cowboys scurry to find a replacement for Rusty.

“It will take three dogs to do the work of this guy,” said Colona Slim, a 112-year-old wrangler who’s still in the saddle. “Just as soon as he got them sheep or cows in a circle he’s commence to sticking his nose into a book. Smart sombitch.”

A going away party has been scheduled for Tuesday at Trail Town Distillery. No children please.

Dag Katz