Leaf-cutting marmots likely culprit in pot stink

(Crested Butte – Sweet Smell Review – July 18, 2016)

A late summer invasion of hungry leaf-cutting marmots is blamed for the increase in marijuana odor that has some residents upset here. Complaints about excessive smells emanating from personal marijuana growing operations are on the rise and the county is prepared to act.

According to local biologists the locusts-like rodents chew on the leaves and the biting releases industrially pungent blasts of pot odor. Although not thought to be dangerous to humans, the olfactory status has been calculated as registering  somewhere between baby powder and a busy feedlot.

Authorities are perplexed, with many hinging on two preliminary actions. The first is to rid the area of these mutant marmots. The second is to leave town and begin a new life elsewhere.

It is not clear why the rodents like to chew on the leaves or the state they are attempting to achieve. Scientists believe they have run out of other more traditional sustenance and are desperately attacking the marijuana grown in town.

Pursuing valid solutions to this classic multi-use issue is further clouded by across-the-board confusion as to what constitutes a legal growth effort. People who grow for personal consumption are not regulated like commercial pot producers and often it is difficult to determine what is what with regard to the six-plant per person rule.

One rogue town council member suggested spraying the affected areas with the smell of money to quell the protests. Other concerned citizens are firmly against this toxic approach preferring to deal with the marmots more humanely, by approved trap and release methods.

“Everyone likes the smell of a ten or twenty especially with the masses wandering Elk Avenue this time of the year,” she said. “It’s either that or we go back to burning coal which these leaf-cutter marmots detest.

Chaos at the legal level has spurred dire consequences for citizens not fond of the often-strong aroma on marijuana plants in heat. They are virtually surrounded by pot. Many complain that they cannot even smell their own car boxes or something burning on the stove.

“I didn’t realize there were people out there that found the smell of cannabis to be offensive,” chimed a longtime merchant. “They could be smelling exhaust fumes, landfill wisps or bad water like many other communities. The pot is harmless at this stage.”

Once again the scenario swirls around a case of a small number of greedy persons taking advantage of the lax laws and intruding on the rights of others. Vegetable garden laws are desperately needed in this municipality. People can’t police themselves. Transient mentality and a strong smell of bud pervades the  day. Simple enough on paper a tough nut to crack in the midday sun.

“These types are a lot like out contingent of bad dog owners,” said the merchant. “They don’t train their dogs and they continually fly under the radar of personal integrity.”

– Fred Zeppelin