KANSAS TO INSTALL CURVES

(Lawrence) In an alleged attempt to compete with more scenic states in the region Kansas has announced a plan to construct at least 25 curves on major highways by spring. The project, supported by leading politicians, the Tourism Board, the Department of Transportation and the federal government is seen as way to draw more tourists to the state and combat the notion that roads in the Sunflower State are tediously monotonous.

Curves will be installed at low impact spots with higher potential for visual stimulation. Areas with supportive topography will be tapped first and major detours added later after public input is calculated.

“None of these curves will be too sharp,” said a proponent of the plan. “We don’t want to create a dangerous scenario especially within the local driving population that is used to the straight and narrow. What we do want to do is get away from the notion that Kansas is simply a place to pass through on the way to more attractive states like Colorado and Missouri.”

Although some critics of the roadwork say it is a chronic waste of money the project appears to be on its way toward start-up in late October. Thanks to matching federal funds, offered with the stipulation that Kansas lowers legal impairment levels regarding drinking and driving, politicians here feel the state would be foolish to pass on such an opportunity.

“We’ll concentrate on putting in conservative curves near trees and rivers at first,” said one engineer, “then we’ll concentrate on winding our way through hills, if we can find one, and through the green pastures in the eastern part of the state.”

Planners here have gone to great lengths to insure truckers and other regular travelers that the curves would not pose a threat to safety or add time to their treks.

“These are in no way hairpin curves with switch-backs and drop-offs like those found on mountain roads,” said the transportation spokesman. “We’re not here to rattle motorists but rather to entertain them. Maybe the average driver will have to pay a little more attention but in most cases a gentle movement of the steering wheel to the right or left will suffice.”

At present three 15-degree curves are planned for the Kansas Turnpike between Topeka and Wichita and a secondary low impact 35-degree swing on Highway 77 near Winfield. Another grid will showcase subtle curving along Interstate 70 at Salina, Russell, Hays and Goodland. The rest of the new curves are earmarked for state land and will most likely become part of the landscape in rural areas between Manhattan and Abilene.

A system of practice curves is already in place just outside of Dodge City. There are no plans to reinforce the few existing curves at the approach to towns since they are seen as holding their own at press time.

Meanwhile a coordinated effort to create curves along state border with Nebraska appears in the works and a growing movement in eastern Colorado and Wyoming has picked up steam of late. In Oklahoma, a wait and see approach seems to be the preferred prescription for flatland problems there.

“If it works in Kansas it could work for Oklahoma,” said one legislator in Tulsa, “but right now we’re not interested in spending money we don’t have.”

Oklahoma reportedly spent its entire road maintenance budget for the decade on athletic recruiting for its two flagship universities and will not have substantial funds available until 2024.

– Kashmir Horseshoe