Iceberg Hugs Ecuadoran Coast

(Galapagos Islands — South American Cruises — May 16, 2016)

The mammoth iceberg that broke away from the continent of Antarctica continues to drift north. Visible from the city of Guayaquil and from beaches as far north as Canoa and Esmeraldas, it has been described as a “monster whale of white” by eyewitnesses. Traveling along a longitudinal path of about 105 degrees, the giant chunk of rock and ice, despite the Humboldt Current and the treacherous Machalilla Riptides, is expected to hit downtown Los Angeles in time for rush hour on Monday.

The iceberg, carrying an estimated 11,000 penguins (and an alleged assortment of dampened persons dressed like penguins) separated from the mainland near the Walgreen Coast and proceeded into the bowels of the South Pacific. At last report, the almost circular frozen bulk measured 43 by 40 miles but it is constantly losing mass as it journeys closer to the Equator. It is reportedly traveling at about 14 miles per hour in the frigid waters of the South Pacific

Passengers appear to be content to ride the thing out. Undocumented penguins will be subject to immigration laws wherever they land, while legitimate penguins will be returned to their native habitat without incident. The Red Cross has been monitoring the sojourn especially since food and water is a rare commodity on the iceberg.

If the iceberg follows through and crashes into the California coast it will do so with substantial might. Prisons have been emptied with inmates going to work filling sandbags. LA gang members have been recruited to dig trenches as part of public service debts. Yesterday, Octogenarians were seen boarding up windows. One man was observed collecting silk stockings that he insisted would be used to make parachutes. Police and fire departments are telling citizens to “stay mellow”.

Golden State scientists project that either the iceberg will shatter the fragile geologic relationship between California and the rest of the continent, or it will peacefully float into safe harbors, providing the region with much needed water for the next decade.

Nobody has released any further information as to the identity of the penguin vagabonds, currently cruising the high seas. Rescue teams at the Tommy Lasorda Abalone Research Center remain on high alert, expecting a life saving/salvage situation as early as Sunday evening.

– Small Mouth Bess