Hell closed for cleaning

Hell will be shut down for a serious scouring this week according to stiff-collared sources in pew number three. While an industrial polishing has been in the works for some time, bosses down there have balked at the cost and logistics common to such past eternal undertakings.

While the sanitation proceeds, the damned will be evacuated and hauled around in small pickups like the ones used by militants in Afghanistan and Iraq. Their few personal belongings will be sold to pay for gasoline.

Once the place is fully sterilized they will be returned to their fiery home for more torture and deprivation. Along with the janitorial effort, fallen angels will engage in new construction, building units/projects for an expected surge in population due to a curious, and increasing lack of heart on earth.

“They are only souls so they don’t take up a lot of room, “ explained one dark angel who appeared to be in charge of the demonic motor pool. “It looks like an overwhelming task but actually we can fit 3000 in the back of a small pickup,” said the fiend, who requested anonymity.

– Melvin Dante