GPS system developed for better sex

(Mañana, CO— Better Halls & Bedrooms —September 19, 2016)

The new blue tooth, preloaded global positioning system looks to be the most innovative sexual breakthrough since the birth control pill arrived on the scene in the Sixties. No more getting lost. No more searching for your destination in the dark.

It’s the romance map for joyful love making – Just light the candles. chill the champagne, fluff the pillows and let your love light shine. You can even turn on your smart phone for continual suggestions and creative positions “on the road”. The GPS covers navigational moves in bed, lane assist and turn-by-turn pre-coital recommendations.

The most popular of the GPS gizmos, Naughty Routes, actually goes all the way, cutting down on getting lost or disoriented, even in rush hour traffic. If one loses his place in bed he can simply look up at the handy accessory screen for audio visual examples.

No more unresolved sexual energy. No more sexual wilderness. No more confusion as to high road or low. It’s all there in a handy, compact, concise presentation backed up by the highest technology known to man or woman. Suction cups, voice activated/drop-down units, are provided for the kinky on the more spendy systems.

Commands carry with them such crisp innuendo as Take Me Home, Drive Me To…, and Open the Champagne! Voice recognition allows participants some sense of security while coded mounting discourages identity theft on most models.

Negative side affects include the speeding of stupidity and the inability to apply logic, chronic blockage of brain waves, and the desire to make wooly sheep sounds.

The cost of the Lover’s GPS Series Operator’s Aid runs between $100 and $500 depending on a slew of accessories and power adaptors. Now you can enjoy pharmaceutical drugs, text and talk on your phone till you puke, never worrying about where you are at a particular time or junction. Turn left in 2.1 miles…Your destination is on the right.