Frequent Friar Plan Lambasted by Church

(Roma — Vatican Air Magazine — March 25, 2016)

The Roman Catholic Church has banned its clergy from participating in what is called a Frequent Friar Program. The condemnation comes on the wings of a general announcement instituted by Secular Airlines and its subsidiary companies worldwide.

The invitation from Secular attempts to lure clergy and other spiritually motivated personnel into seeking not only cheaper seats but also a high road to salvation.

“The implication here is that our people can fly around like sunshine clerics and conduct themselves as God knows what and who,” said a Vatican resource, “whenever it is convenient for them to do so.”

Groups of priests and brothers from an assortment of orders had petitioned the Rome for permission to take advantage of the offer saying they could still maintain their spiritually duality without risking so much as one lost soul. They further insisted that the adoption of the program would help with missionary work and as a motivation for others to embrace the holy orders.

“This kind of frequency is not the friar type and the sound waves are bouncing off St Peter’s Basilica this morning,” said an angry Cardinal who demanded infallibility. “The money for vacations should come from the collection plate not by some discounted version of a secular get-away. If our sky pilots want to pursue everlasting life on their own time let them audition for a Sunday morning spot on salvation row with the Baptists and Evangelicals. I hear the money is good.”

– St Roscoe of Links, Earl of Doggieshire, Lord of Hemperland