Erotic Rock Art Show Slated for January

(Montrose, CO — Hands of Stone Gazette — January 5, 2016)

Jack up your dormant January libido at the first ever Uncompahgre Erotic Rock Art Show to be held at the Dalton Trumbo Park here from January 22 – 31. Over 4000 specimens of naughty rocks and bawdy rock formations in all shapes and sizes will be part of the display.

Joining these lascivious pebbles and stone monstrosities will be a rare conglomeration of minerals and gases, studied intensely by geologists, and thought somehow related to the evolution of the earth.

Rock has been defined as the solid material forming part of the surface of our planet. It is usually exposed or found underlying the soil or the oceans. It is used for everything from patios to fireplaces. People employ rock as weight, filler and projectiles.

All of the boulders at the show are from the Rockies while some of the more evasive minerals have been collected from all over the world. Just what constitutes an erotic rock will be the work of a select jury of earth scientists, experts on earth’s physical structure and substance.

“Sure, anyone can identify the phallic and the sensual rocks and stones,” said one organizer of the event. “What takes the real skill, the academic separation is to see eroticism in a flat rock or a chunk that has fallen from its mother mountain. We are fortunate that we have plenty of resources right here in the Rockies. You won’t see a display of this magnitude in a place like Kansas.”

Concrete, dirt, petrified wood, compacted ash or asphalt will be considered according to the source.

“We’re looking for creative erotic art,” continued the organizer. “What looks lewd or salacious to one person may not appear that way to another. These pieces of the earth come in all shapes and sizes just like people. Preferences and carnal qualifications are often intangible even though these specimens represent down to earth stability and the foundation for all that follows.”

The show is free but an occasional booth or two may be off limits to minors.

– Rocky Flats