Enchanted Airport Escalator Sends Passengers Flying

(Colona) The county’s only known escalator “whacked out” during rush hour Friday sending unsuspecting passengers flying and their luggage suspended in the thin mountain air.

The incident, blamed on revenge hacking by computer techies on strike at Colona International Airport, resulted in surprisingly few injuries but set flight departures back three hours. The nightly party flight to Nucla was grounded with the full passenger load rerouted to Naturita.

Firemen rescued one commuter hanging from a phony wood beam rafters, while a family from Durango had to be rescued from a damaged security checkpoint that had somehow flooded during the mishap.

According to cyber loiterers on the scene the flowing mechanism halted abruptly then cracked, whirled, whined, bowed and sprung, hurling travelers high into the air.

“It was quite a spectacle,” said one retired cowboy who likened the experience to a mad mechanized bull gone mad.
Federal Aviation experts were quickly dispatched to observe the mess of tangled tread and disjointed escalator steps. None of these people was comfortable disabling rogue escalators and went to lunch.

Several told The Horseshoe that the near disaster had been caused by local cows trampling of cyber optic infrastructure. They promised to install coaxial fiber warning radar in an attempt to outsmart the bovine element.

Readers may recall a similar incident in 2016 when the airport’s main mezzanine fountain plugged up and exploded, sending high pressure spray and cookie-cutter debris all the way into town. After a thorough investigation it became clear that someone had flushed several rolls of toilet paper down in what was classified as a non-terrorist hate crime.

The aeronautic facility will be closed until the escalator is deboned, deprogrammed and pacified. Pedestrians are urged to take the stairs until further notice.

– Gerry Mander