Drone Soup

World Classifine Ads — August 14, 2016

Learn the ancient art of pick pocketing before the holidays. Earn extra Christmas money while out at the mall or on the street after dark. Work three hours a day and put money away each night. Bonded. Alternative Lifestyles Cell block #889, Canon City, CO

Land of the Midnight Sun Counseling is now accepting clients for the winter months. Alaskan sociologists will visit your home or office for slightly extra fee. Get sensitive while you’re at work or asleep. Deal with shortages and Eskimo antics. Large bears not included. Call the Dark Room at the Juneau What. Approved by law enforcement and your mom.

Anger management while you wait. Bring boxing gloves and small beating instrument. Get mad – get beat. Put simple physics to work for you. No marks. Guaranteed results. Comrades in Sweat. Dr Simon Lackluster, Heartbreak Hotel Terrace, Goodenough Gulch.

Will scrape windshields for free until October. Mack the Hack, Gunnison. Specializing in underwater wheelbarrow photography, groundless opinions and quantum foot massage. Saturday mornings only in Sapinero. 140,000 miles without major enzyme malfunction.

Improve tunnel vision without surgery. Dial 17 and hold it.

Company specializing in information services for visiting dignitaries and peace negotiators seeks information on nightlife and entertainment amenities for new brochure on Dayton, Ohio. We have had successful track records in Mogadishu, Paris, Helsinki, Geneva and Camp David. Our guides and packages have drawn praise in Havana, Cairo, Berlin and Toronto. Need help here. Anyone who can provide sufficient information on Dayton will be lavishly rewarded. Diplomat Exchange and Antiques, Political Prisoner Circle, Brooklyn, NY.

Succulent Yucca plant would like to meet others of same persuasion for a fertile, perennial relationship. Well-rooted. No plastic geraniums, gourds, fungi or thallophytic loafers. Blind Box 3, Pinkyville.

Lost: Mustache wax grinder neat Old St. Lazare Station last Thursday morning. If found please contact Claude Monet. Small reward.

Red has three two-tone caribou calves, two females and one male. Great when the snow comes. Even better on lawns and vacant lot maintenance. Lovely temperaments. Mouse broken and registered. See Red at Quezon City Trading Post in Rudy’s Canyon. Could make great polo ponies if they were horses. No snails before noon.

For auction to the highest bidder: Verified 1941 instructor’s manual for the HMS Hood. Also have pilot’s log for the Enola Gay. Serious offers only. Casey Jones, Colona Railroad Yard.

Our donuts aren’t going to the Rio Olympics! They’re staying here at La Zona de Colona Coffee House. Are these really the best tasting donuts in North America? Need you ask? Now open in Colona. Try our Drive-Thru.

Need full-figured man or woman to deliver left-wing newspapers to thin, chronically ill recluses. Jolly Enterprises. Call our 800 number!

Romance columnist needed for Gunnison Times. Must be well versed in logical application of hormones and tangled webs just below the surface. No Irish.

Expert and creative lawn mowing by Earl. Buzzes, spikes, flat tops and cranial work our specialty. Like your hair a little longer? Here’s introducing Peggy Sue on her riding mower. Half-price Tuesdays no longer applicable in Egnar or Cahone. Remember: When the snow falls prices go up!

Will dry dock your backyard barbecue apparatus through the winter. Safe, secure storage. No termites. Extended hours for fall. Charles Gaffe, Charcoal, WY.