Drink More Vodka Says Putin

(Minsk — Make Vodka From Your Old Socks Magazine — May 14, 2016)

Russian President Vladimir Putin called on Americans to drink more vodka in 2016. Saying that a belly at the bar would go a long way toward combating hunger in Russia. The former KGB officer, and friend of Donald Trump, estimates that if every American would just increase his or her intake by one shot per day the economy of Russia would bounce back to Czarist proportions.

Putin targeted Americans on the issue since the French prefer wine, the Germans like beer and the English “are in bed with a good bottle of single malt.”

“None of these groups will ever budge,” he quacked. “Our only tangible export to the developed nations is vodka,” he continued. “Americans don’t need our natural gas or even our caviar but they all get thirsty.

In response to the pathetic plea, the Congress has drafted a bill offering tax credits to the vodka-swilling public. If the bill becomes law, persons who purchase the stuff by the case might be able to claim a percentage as a contribution to charity by 2017.

Supporters say the move has nothing to do with National Health care while detractors worried about sour relations with Poland, the world’s second largest distiller and member of NATO bowling team.

– Neville Hoser

“Podran cortar todas las flores, pero no podrán detener la primavera.”
(They can cut down all the flowers but they cannot hold back the spring.”)
– Pablo Neruda