DOG HAIR PREVENTS PUBLICATION
M. Toole | Apr 22, 2016 | Comments 0
(Manana, CO — Looking Back to 1985 — April 22, 2016
A sudden and alarming abundance of dog hair has been blamed for the absence of the popular San Juan Horseshoe from the proletariat news racks last month.
The canine hair, weighing in at just under 112 pounds, is said to have clogged up everything from typewriters to pencil sharpeners to printers to fax machines. The mammal strands even invaded the paper clip box (the lifeblood of this and any other newssheet worth its salt.).
Comparing the disaster to mohair in one’s martini publishers promised that someday soon the paper would be on-line and no longer subject to ink, water, cantankerous printing presses and yes, per hair. Meanwhile in the darkroom filters broke down in the mayhem leaving feet of dog hair in an area built for inches. The situation in the composing room was far worse.
At first the editor banned all dogs from the offices on press day only to realize that if employees could not bring their dogs to work they would quit.
“Then I’d be putting out the issue by myself,” said Belle Toole, Under Editor.
According to a dated memo the only pets allowed in the editorial offices are frogs, smooth-skinned marmots, turtles, tropical fish and miniature sheep.
“This is the traditional approach to the intrusion,” said Toole.
Meanwhile the employees union is considering options and most workers are keeping themselves busy knitting dog hair socks for advertisers.
– Alfalfa Romero
Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder
