Dodgers Moving Back to Brooklyn

(Sunset Park — Flatbush Base Stealer Press — May 6, 2016)

After 57 years in Los Angeles, the Dodgers have decided to return to Brooklyn. The popular franchise will begin its 2016 season in New York according to a team spokesman.

The move was described as fiscal in nature although growing seismic activity, gang violence and increasing smog may have entered into the final decision.

“There are innumerable issues to resolve,” according to a team owner. “But in the final summation we prefer the Big Apple to El Lay.”

The Dodgers will not be able to return to the old haunts of Ebbets Field or even the Polo Grounds since the historic parks were long ago “plowed under”. Negotiations are reportedly going on with existing facilities and the local government.

“It got so that we couldn’t see the pitches, even on a good day,” said player personnel director Melvin “Sacrifice” Toolovich. “Even when the wind blows the pollution stays put out here at Chavez Ravine.”

One option appears to be a rooftop stadium above Barclays Center, the home of the Brooklyn Nets NBA team. That, according to local environmentalists would have less impact on a neighborhood still reeling from urban stadium expansions in high real estate locales. It might also be in keeping with progressive gardening techniques developed in Paris and Berlin. Yields from each of these communities have been impressive and baseball might lower its carbon footprint here, say the experts.

The Dodgers (originally the Trolley Dodgers) will remain in the National League if the relocation is approved at the highest levels. The move is expected to fill the void left by the New York Mets’ abrupt move to Havana, Cuba where people still speak English and understand the dimensions of the slow curve.

– Salte Peterson