Cowboy Added to Endangered List

(Denver — Drugstore Melodies — January 2, 2016)

The American cowboy (eqestrianus bovinarius) is now officially endangered, having been added to the roster of species in danger of extinction according to qualified technicians familiar with this kind of thing.

A recent census has provided alarming statistics regarding what can only be called a radical demise of the cowboy population and culture west of the Mississippi. Only in Montana and Alberta have the cowpunchers shown modest gains in these aforementioned categories.

Wyoming remains stable.

Persons who walk around dressed up like cowboys (drugstorians costumarians) were not considered in the final tallies unless they overlap or are cleaned up for the weekend.

In keeping with this bleak distinction it is now illegal to hunt or trap cowboys or interfere in any way with the normal migration and survival of the endangered breed.

Persons wishing to aid in he recovery of what was once a dominant species in the West can buy beers for the downtrodden. Offering to wash a pickup or two is seen as a strong gesture of recognition too.
Also joining the infamous list this year is the rare Split-Lip Passion Monkey, a genus not documented in the Rockies since 1900.
“Although nobody has seen one of these shy carnivorous primates since the Ute left town we know they are out there,” said one biologist. “Scat and tracks not attributed to any other creature indicate they exist. Cave drawings tell the tale.”

– Uncle Pahgre