Colorado pot plants doing “exceptionally well” in Turkish Contest

(Istanbul) It’s the talk in bazaars from Baghdad to Basra and whispered in caravans all along the Old Silk Road.

Colorado cannabis plants have all but swept this year’s Anatolia Hemp Competition held in the shadow of the Blue Mosque in this crossroads Eurasian metropolis.

It could be easily argued that the marijuana  “made in the Rockies” was far and above the best, finishing in four of five organic categories: Natural and Homeopathic, Hydroponics, Rain gutter technology (encompassing thermal) and Freestyle Cultivation. The final effort concluded with a sixth place finish in the cutting edge Salient Precipitates and Underground production class, a spaced age procedure deemed illegal in many Western countries due to the occasional use of human sacrifice.

Coming away with 16 gold medals and one bronze the Colorado Agricultural Dream Team dominated the heavily juried event. Istanbul, brandishing its long and curious romance with hash consumption seemed the perfect venue with warm days and crisp evenings, delicious cuisine and ancient history out every door. Although old rivalries emerged the event came off without the petty jealousies and ethnic miscalculations that have plagued Asia Minor in recent years.

Finishing well in the overall competition were Spain: 4 Gold, 9 Silver, 3 Bronze; Pakistan: 2 Gold, 5 Silver, 6 Bronze: Cinderella entry Paraguay: 2 Gold, 10 Silver and 9 Bronze,  Mauritania: 1 Gold, 3 Silver and 2 Bronze and of course host country Turkey which brought home 6 Gold and 4 Silver medals.

According the the judge’s panel the five human senses pretty much determine prizes. Taste, smell and size/beauty are joined by the embrace of  peace and sense of well being. The sense of touch is measured by pheromone – respiratory response and by distinct body rush quotients. The fabled 6th Sense whether surreal, telepathic, or simply intuitive comes into play to break a tie or adding replacement players toward the end of botanical soirees when the spiked dessert squares have all disappeared.

Due to local customs and law no inhalation, combustion, incineration or consumption of the pistillate hemp plant was endorsed or encouraged by the Anatolia Hemp Society.

One proxy award was presented to Turkey in the category of Growing Schemes, for the use of alpine marmot scat in its trademark black buckets donning the white crescent on red background flag of the secular, parliamentary republic. 268,000 entries were recorded by the organizers.

Some of the American product awarded  top ratings (Gold Medals) are Rocky Flats Big Boy, Nucla-Naturita Knuckles (Twin Cities Twinkie), Paonia Red Eyed Purple Monster, Uncompahgre Rollover, Celestial Tidings, Andalucian Sans Sevilla, and Albuquerque-Ignacio Instant Dumb.

Honorable mention includes Minca Finca, Miss Polly Pinon, Happy Dewpoint, Maui Vacation (Gold) , Infra-ridiculous, Cloudy Oaxaca, Aspen Barking Bud (Gold) , San Luis Habla de Misma, Glenwood Knock Me Down, Green Oz, Poudre Canyon Skunk, and Taylor Park Breakfast Weed (Bronze).

The last event of the contest centers on cooking with marijuana with over 25,000 registered hemp chefs showing their stuff, not just in the culinary sense but in the field of medicinal breakthroughs as well.

Many feel that this overwhelming victory could open the door to federal aid for hemp growers, once  hush-hush legislation that is gaining support in the Senate and strangely enough momentum in House.

“Puritans have historically put money before personal morals and perceived integrity,” said one proponent for aid to hempsmen. “They’ll come around sooner or later.”

– Gabby Haze