All Entries in the "Hard News" Category

“King of the Blues” Interview Part XIV

“The Swan Song”

(Continued from Page 3)
Sunny: Like I said, I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Your roots reach deep into the Mississippi Delta, into the South Chicago scene, into Motown. That’s quite diverse.
Sunny: Yeah, man. I’m the king of the blues, baby, the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Our sources tell us that you’ve released over 50 records and CDs since the Forties.
Sunny: I’m the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: You’ve been pickin and singin for over 70 years. Sooner or later you’re gona drop dead. How do you feel about the hereafter?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: After reviewing several of your songs it appears that you concentrate on simple, repetitious themes that could become annoying after a while.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: We see that you travel with a complete orchestra. Are all these members really necessary or do you just like to be extravagant?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: There are plenty of musicians, such as Muddy Waters, B.B. King, John Hurt, John Lee Hooker and others who might claim to be the king of the blues.
Sunny: But I am the king of the blues, baby.
Horseshoe: According to your agent you received that boom box as a gift from Yassar Arafat after a performance in Palestine.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: It’s really loud. Can you turn it down so we can talk some more?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: He also told us you were the tenth of eleven kids born to sharecroppers around the turn-of-the-century. How old are you anyway?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: You don’t look that old.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: One would think that all the drinking and partying would take its toll on a fellow your age.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: The liner notes on your King of the Blues album say you’ve been married eight times and have fathered more than 40 children.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: What did you and all of those wives find to talk about.
Sunny: Ain’t you been listenin’? I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Read any good books lately?
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Here, eat these guitar strings.
Sunny: I am the king of the blues.
Horseshoe: Nice day. You think it’ll rain this afternoon?
Sunny: It’s possible.
Continued on Page 34.

Old Negro League Standings 1946

National

New York Cubans

Baltimore Elite Giants

Newark Eagles

Pittsburgh Homestead Grays

Philadelphia Stars

New York Black Yankees

American

Cleveland Buckeyes

Kansas City Monarchs

Birmingham Black Barons (Willie Mays played for them)

Memphis Red Sox

Chicago American Giants

Indianapolis Clowns (Hank Aaron played for them)

Letters to the Pea Green Answer Man

Dear Pea Green the Answer Man

Do cows sweat?

Prairie, Gunnison

Dear Prairie

Cows do sweat.  Perspiration in cattle, however, is not so noticeable as in horses and some other animals.  In the case of the horse the sweat glands are distributed widely over the skin and the animal sweats freely all over the body.  But in the ox sweat glands are less abundant and are most completely developed on the muzzle.  Consequently a cow will sweat freely on the end of her nose, while what perspiration appears on her body is usually slight and almost imperceptible.

Dear Pea Green the Answer Man

Where are the eyes of the horsefly located?

Chris, Montrose

Dear Chris

  The large compound eyes of the horsefly are located conspicuously on the head.  Many people believe that the eyes of this insect consist of small yellowish specks or scales on tiny stems under the wings.  This, it is said, is proved by the fact that when these club-like appendages are removed the horsefly loses its equilibrium and flies abnormally.  As a matter of fact, these specks or scales represent aborted underwings.  Entomologists call them calypters or squamce.  Naturally, the removal of the calyptras affects the flight of the fly because they are intimately related to the wings proper.  Similar phenomena occur in other insects.

Dear Pea Green the Answer Man

What is the harvest moon?

Meadow, Paonia

Dear Meadow,

Harvest moon is the popular name given in northern temperate latitudes to the full moon that occurs about harvest time.  Astronomers usually regard the full moon nearest in date to the autumnal equinox as the harvest moon.  This is, roughly speaking, between the 15th and 20th of September.  Country people however are more likely to regard the next full moon as the harvest moon; namely, the full moon which occurs about the middle of October.  At this season the path of the moon, especially in high latitudes, passes quite closely above and below the horizon at the time of the full moon, causing it to rise merely at sunset for several nights in succession.  Thus the harvest moon prolongs the natural twilight and permits tardy farmers, so it is said, to complete their belated harvesting before the coming of frost and winter.  In south temperate latitudes this phenomenon occurs in late March or early April.  The moon which follows the harvest moon and which has similar characteristics is called the hunter’s moon.

Dear Pea Green the Answer Man

Why is a horse called a dobbin?

Jack, Ouray

Dear Jack

Dobbin is a general or familiar name for any horse, especially an ordinary draft or farm horse.  The name Dobbin was so widely used in England as a pet name for horses that it became a general nickname for the entire equine species.  It was a familiar name for a horse already in the time of Shakespeare.  In the Merchant of Venice, which was first printed in 1596, Old Gobo says to Lancelot: “Thou hast got more hair on thy chin, the Dobbin my philhorse has on his taile.”  Dobbin is a diminutive of the proper name Dob, which is a variation of Robin and Rob, which in turn are variations for the proper name Robert.

Dear Pea Green the Answer Man

What is meant by a pig in a poke?

Frank, Crested Butte Colorado

Poke is an old word meaning a bag, pouch or sack.  Our word pocket is a diminutive of poke.  A pig in a poke is a blind bargain, something purchased without examination, or any goods bought and paid for without knowing their quality or value.  The expression is said to have reference to an old trick pulled off on English market days.  Pigs were often taken to market in pokes or sacks.  Frequently shrewd countrymen would try to palm off on a greenhorn or cat for a sucking pig.  If the buyer opened the poke he let the cat out of the bag and the trick was disclosed.  Whether or not anybody was ever fool enough to buy a pig in a bag without looking at it, it is probable that the expression pig in a pike refers to the old custom of taking pigs to market in a sack.

Disclaimer # 611

This newspaper/website website is sold by weight, not by volume. Packed as full as practical with nouns, verbs and conjunctions by the editor, it contains full net weight indicated. If it does not appear full when opened it is because contents have settled during shipping and handling. Thank you for paying attention.

“Kite flying, dog racing, pork, pig, pig oil, anything made from human hair, satellite dishes, cinematography, any equipment that produces the joy of music, pool tables, chess, masks, alcohol, tapes, computers, VCRs, televisions, anything that propagates sex and is full of music, wine lobster, nail polish, firecrackers, statues, sewing catelogs, pictures and Christmas cards.”

– list of unclean things banned when the Taliban took over Afghanistan in 1996 from The Looming Tower by Lawrence Wright

VACAS LOCALES TODAVÍA EN MÉTRICA

¿Problemas en el paraiso?

(Ridgway) La mayoría de los lectores saben que en abril los bovinos locales adoptaron el sistema métrico y, desde entonces, los rebaños han estado documentando y midiendo tamaños utilizando ese estándar internacional. Desafortunadamente, existe el problema de que los vaqueros todavía se aferran al sistema inglés.

Si bien la situación parece tolerable para el cuerno de hojalata, aquí en el rancho el conflicto crece sin que ninguna de las partes esté dispuesta a hacer concesiones.

“Cuando el ganado está en el pasto o en el establo, realmente no hay ningún problema operativo”, dijo Dutch Butterfly, capataz del rancho X-Bar-None en Cow Creek. “Es cuando tenemos que mover las criaturas cuando las tartas golpean el ventilador”.

Butterfly agregó que marcar y quitar cuernos también son más difíciles, ya que las vacas miden las cosas de una manera y los vaqueros de otra.

“Es del mismo tamaño de marca y la misma cantidad de cuerno que estamos cortando. Simplemente se pierde en la traducción”, escupió. “Hay bastante que hacer tratando de ganarse la vida aquí sin fallas de comunicación”.

En realidad, es bastante fácil convertir de inglés a métrico y viceversa. Por ejemplo: cuando se cambia de millas a kilómetros, uno simplemente multiplica el número de millas por el número de kilómetros que forman una milla. Cuando se pesan pilas de heno, la conversión de libras a kilogramos es igual de fácil.

“Estas vacas son generalmente un lote cooperativo, pero distante”, dijo Butterfly. “No siempre sabemos lo que están pensando ahí afuera rumiando y todo. Es difícil decir lo que les pasa, pero todo comenzó cuando se volvieron métricas. Cada vez que alguien sugiere que regresen al buen viejo estadounidense medición comienzan todos esos gritos y patadas y simplemente no vale la pena la molestia “.

Butterfly dijo que la redada de primavera fue un verdadero desastre en el condado de Ouray con vacas yendo en una dirección y cowpunchers en otra. La hora de comer se convirtió en una lucha ya que las asignaciones diarias estaban sujetas a repetidas preguntas. Incluso las mediciones de agua se confundieron y tuvieron que clasificarse una vaca a la vez.

Después de dos meses de estudio, el Departamento de Matemáticas de la Western State University advirtió que, dado que las vacas eran simplemente ganado, los vaqueros tenían que adaptarse. Eso tampoco le cayó bien.

“Los primates no se inclinan ante los animales domésticos de la manada”, dijo Butterfly. “Simplemente no está bien”.

Otro ranchero veterano, Slim Tinkleholland de Mill Creek, cerca de Gunnison, le dijo a The Horseshoe que si a las vacas se les enseñara el respeto cuando todavía eran terneros, no se sentirían tan orgullosas.

“A nadie aquí le duele el estómago por los deseos de los bovinos / novillas de mejorar. Es solo que durante siglos hemos sido un equipo y ahora quieren ir y cambiar algo bueno”, dijo. “El hecho es que se crían para carne y productos lácteos y hasta que eso cambie, es el vaquero el que manda”.

Tinkleholland reflexionó sobre un día de mayo pasado cuando él y los peones del rancho estaban trasladando una manada de ganado de Mill Creek a Jack’s Cabin.

“La cabeza simplemente no sabía lo que estaba haciendo la cola”, hizo una mueca. Cuando un vaquero gritaba en pulgadas, las vacas mugían en metros. En un momento temimos que los perros y los caballos se amotinaran y adoptaran ese maldito recuento métrico. Cuando terminó la tarde, los Hereford se extendieron desde Almont hasta Baldwin. Que desastre.”

– Bess de Boca Pequeña 

Hell’s Fire Needs TLC

HELP WANTED: Capable man or woman familiar with the discovery of fire needed to start morning and evening blazes in the Halls of Hell this fall and early winter. Seasonal work. We know it sounds ridiculous but if we don’t spend the money in 2021 we’ll forfeit it in the 2022 budget. Also: Persons dumping debris at the North and South gates will be expected to provide lunch for boatmen on the River Styx. Have a nice eternity.

“We don’t need political science or history classes in high school. We have the left and right-wing media to answer our questions.” Make America Grate Again