All Entries in the "Featured Peeks" Category
O’Dud and the Meat People
San Juan Horseshoe — September 25, 2014 Colona, CO
Infinite Chapters 82 Part 23
Continued from 2014
so that O’Dud could entice pitching to his friendly little village high in the Rockies. Cannibals like the Giants and entrepreneurs like the Dodgers and Cardinals do it every year while O’Dud rests on his laurels and his carefully engineered team loses 45 games by one or two runs in the late innings because of poor relief pitching.
Paying homage to the war gods Tulowinski and Gonzalez has proven futile due to injuries. Trading prospects for washed out pitchers has been an embarrassment. Beer and food prices at Coors Field are immoral.
Is the problem in the meat lockers of Greely or is it in the minor leagues themselves? Will we be seeing a good team play well next year or will O’Dud and the Meat People continue to wallow, one eye on the slider and one eye on the bottom line? The fans are among the best. They deserve more than a last place finish.
Next month: Top administrators travel to Mars in search for a utility shortstop capable of driving in 150 runs.
Website Expanded to Western Colorado Ghost Towns
The San Juan Horseshoe web page is available in every country on the globe and especially in the Colorado ghost town communities ofGladstone, Henson, Tincup, Needleton, Duncan, Dallas, Piedra, Baldwin, Cathedral. Capitol City, Howardsville (Bullion City), Eureka, Sneffels, Bedrock, Texas Gulch, Thistletown, Paradox, Maher, Coventry, Eldredge, Yellow Jacket, Pittsburg, Ironton, Cahone, Slippery Rock, Portland, Animas, Gothic, Ashcroft, Crystal, Uravan, Sapinero, Marble, Liberty, Lenado, Somerset and Middleton.
(September 25, 2014)
www.sanjuanhorseshoe.com
Fudd Lite Commercial Shot in Colona
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Colona awarded $300 from Fudd-Lite after holding out for $400 and no blue paint..They ensuing idiot-themed commercial was in the can in 20 minutes. That’s all. Bye now. The real Colorado bud commercial comes in October. It is expected to be anything but light.
(Photo by MJ Martin and Mel Brooks)
Local Rock Star Takes Life
Golden record and Grammy Award winner Newt Guitar Jepson was found dead yesterday backstage in the Imperial Ballroom of the Paonia Sheridan Love Hotel, apparently a victim of his own hand.
Jepson, who had recently been dating the 17-year-old daughter of Sheriff Gunsil Linger, had stabbed himself in the back three times and then shot himself in the head and through the heart, according to County Coroner I.B. Cuttenger. The coroner then concluded that Jepson must have disposed of the weapons since none were found at the scene of the suicide.
Jepson’s career epitomized a virtual rocket to stardom after the release of his first recording “You Can Take My Love and Shove It Up Your Heart”. From there it was CD after CD followed by a world tour of Texas and Oklahoma. Just two days before the tragedy he had agreed to appear on Stairway to the Galaxies in downtown Grand Junction.
It was rumored that Jepson was heavily into the drug scene, but this was never proven. Although he was arrested over 600 times for various narcotic binges, he was never convicted.
“All one has to do is listen to the lyrics and it’s clear he liked meth, coke and an assorted entourage of downers,” said an unreliable source in Paonia.
Newt is survived by his wife Ima and his legitimate son Newt Jr., as well as 87 other alleged offspring, 24 of which are represented in local paternity suits. – Tommy Middlefinger
Meat Street
Meat Avenue in Ridgway, in a good neighborhood to be sure.
Continental Divide Missing
(Denver) The Continental Divide, a high stretch of rocky earth that runs from Alaska to Tierra del Fuego, was not on the job this morning. Authorities have no clues as to the disappearance and have not established if the Divide had gone astray or if fowl play was involved.
Geologists looking visibly upset say an absence of any type is not normal for the geographic phenomenon that has occupied the same space since way before the cows came home. Unknown nuts may have pruned the famous landmark, steeped in yards of corn snow, for unknown raisins, say police who were none to quick to draw conclusions.
Behaviorists familiar with metamorphic rock have been called in to assist in the now massive search. They say local geologists knew about “problems” as early as last year but failed to come forward out of professional embarrassment.
“There are plenty of unemployed geologists out there,” said an investigating officer. “I guess they didn’t want to add to that number by admitting faults.”
Service clubs and civic groups have joined the hunt hoping to locate the missing icon before summer tourist season in 2015.
“Many of our coveted visitors are already disoriented enough without sea legs or any sense of direction,” said the officer. “This grave situation could easily turn to chaos without parameters like the Divide.”
Others disagree saying that with all the snow up there no one would even know the thing was missing. They add that if the Continental Divide wants to relocate there is very little anyone can do about it.
Anyone wanting to help is asked to bring loads of rock to the former site and dump it. – Uncle Pahgre
