Continental Divide Missing

(Denver) The Continental Divide, a high stretch of rocky earth that runs from Alaska to Tierra del Fuego, was not on the job this morning. Authorities have no clues as to the disappearance and have not established if the Divide had gone astray or if fowl play was involved.
Geologists looking visibly upset say an absence of any type is not normal for the geographic phenomenon that has occupied the same space since way before the cows came home. Unknown nuts may have pruned the famous landmark, steeped in yards of corn snow, for unknown raisins, say police who were none to quick to draw conclusions.
Behaviorists familiar with metamorphic rock have been called in to assist in the now massive search. They say local geologists knew about “problems” as early as last year but failed to come forward out of professional embarrassment.
“There are plenty of unemployed geologists out there,” said an investigating officer. “I guess they didn’t want to add to that number by admitting faults.”
Service clubs and civic groups have joined the hunt hoping to locate the missing icon before summer tourist season in 2015.
“Many of our coveted visitors are already disoriented enough without sea legs or any sense of direction,” said the officer. “This grave situation could easily turn to chaos without parameters like the Divide.”
Others disagree saying that with all the snow up there no one would even know the thing was missing. They add that if the Continental Divide wants to relocate there is very little anyone can do about it.
Anyone wanting to help is asked to bring loads of rock to the former site and dump it. – Uncle Pahgre

“Today is the first day of the mess of your life.”
– Rahsaan Larry Kleenex