All Entries in the "Featured Peeks" Category
Feds Threaten Meat Supply in Pot Beef
(Leadville, CO High Country Smoke Rings November 5, 2015)
Controlled personalities at the federal level have threatened to cut off Colorado’s meat sources if that state doesn’t tow the line on U.S. marijuana laws. Colorado, along with Oregon and Washington has decriminalized the use of pot in small amounts for recreational use.
“The feds don’t like to be outflanked,” said a pro-pot source here. They like to dictate to us, to be in charge. Our lickety-split, wham bam amendment to the state constitution nailed them to a tree.”
Instead of embracing progressive stands on social issues, neighboring states have petitioned the federal government for help enforcing archaic pot laws in their states. The frustrated response has been nothing more than a series of ultimatums but now it looks like some probing action is in the wings.
“They may be serious about his meat thing,” said the source, “but Colorado is self-sufficient. We have the water, the timber, the sun, the wildlife, the lifestyle and yes, plenty of meat. We also tolerate others, even vegetarians! Out neighboring states are just jealous.”
Applications for hunting licenses have jumped 46% since the federal meat threat was made public. Sales of firearms and gear have been off the charts indicating that a massive in-state hunting population will take to the woods in October.
If Colorado decides to heal and follow the precepts of the central government the meat wagons will once again cross the prairie. If not it could be grilled cheese and tomato soup for the winter.
“It’s the old classic state’s rights question here,” said the pro-marijuana spokesman. “We went to war on this issue once and may have to do so again. Either way I’ve been taking a lot of target practice.”
How this recent bullying might affect the pot status in Washington and Oregon was not undressed. Several other states are expected to include propositions and amendments on the question of recreational marijuana use on their November ballots. Many already have medical marijuana programs in force.
Tentative legislation is impending in six other states that have been impressed with Colorado’s experimental successes.
– Gabby Haze
Woman Rescues Moose From Pool
(Miller Mesa — Ridgway Follies — October 30, 2015)
Olivia Tinkleholland was just out for a quick swim in the backyard when she claims she heard cries for help. A storm was brewing and a large Bull Moose was having trouble treading water in her tiny swimming pool.
“He was struggling then he completely disappeared from view. I knew I had to act,” said the reluctant hero.
Despite raging torrents and record waves she dove in and swam to the rescue. Repeatedly diving below the surface and wrapping her exquisite body around the drowning animals’ torso she finally managed to pull the 900-pound to dry land.
Olivia Tinkleholland Consoles New Moose Friend on Dry Land Once More
Adrenaline pumping, she dragged the waterlogged beast out of harm’s way.
“I held his head back out of the water and latched on with my arms around his neck,” she said. Once we were out of the pool he seemed to relax, to trust me,” she sighed. “It’s a good thing I kept up with my moose to moose resuscitation techniques.”
Tinkleholland exhibited her well-documented “wicked kick” in order to bring the animals back to its senses. Exhausted she still maintained the prudence and clear presence of mind to skillfully scan the water for other creatures in peril. Seeing that all was well she returned to the moose and comforted him until authorities arrived.
“It’s funny that the woods are full of hunters looking for a moose and I found a new friend in my own backyard,” she smirked.
A sheriff’s deputy told The Horseshoe that while moose sightings of this kind are rare they do happen and everyone must be on the alert.
“No one should be surprised at what the run-off might bring, even this time of the year.
Meanwhile happy ending henchmen down in town are suggesting that Tinkleholland is a seriously out of touch with reality and that the moose did not need rescuing.
– Uncle Pahgre
Vegetarians Who Hunt
(Special from Field and Spleen — October 24, 2015)
This year Western Colorado will see record numbers of vegetarians traveling here to purchase hunting licenses. For some, like Herb Gardener, owner of the Mother Earth Root Salad Patio in Los Angeles, Ca., it was the repetition of the often-heard maxim; Hunting is good for the health and strength of deer and elk herds.
“We live in L.A. so of course we have a lot of guns,” said Herb. “And we really enjoy shooting guns. This seemed like a way to use my arsenal for something positive. Yesterday while I was stalking a buck I could just feel the positively charged ions in the air. It was like the deer were saying, “Thank you Mr. Gardener.”
For others the motivation is different. Skip Townsend, a hunter from San Francisco explains, “Eating meat definitely offends me. When I see people eating burgers I just want to smash their heads because they are so inhumane. I don’t even eat animal crackers. But man, I love hunting. I crave the challenge, the chase, the feel of cold steel and the smell of gunpowder. I want to get a big old bull elk; of course, this year I hired three veterinarians to go with me to doctor any animals I shoot. It’s very expensive but I don’t want to kill any animals, I just want to hunt.”
– Harold Forth
Road Kill Employed as Speeding Deterrent
(Tales of the Organic – October 17, 2015)
(Montrose) Herd animals hit by cars on the highways this season will be left where they fell for up to three weeks as a stark reminder aimed at people who drive too fast. The DOW, in cooperation with local authorities, will not only discourage swift cleanup of all road kill, but in some cases may move the carnage to high traffic areas or other strategic spots throughout the region.
“We hope a pile of road kill here and there will prevent a pile of vehicles,” said a state spokesperson.
“Although it sounds like a pretty good idea to me, we deny the whole thing,” said Ranger Sparky Muffinsite who added that if the experimental concept were to be adopted, most activity would have to take place after dark so as to minimize suspicions on the part of an already dubious public.
Utah and New Mexico have already adopted the approach, eyeballed as a radical measure by many outside the sagebrush circle.
Old truck waiting for the snow in Lake City
Out of service service truck (October 8, 2015)
