Bear Given Condoms

(Norwood) The Forest Circus has agreed in theory to allow black bears to purchase condoms at a variety of outlets due to overpopulation in the Ursidae ranks of late. Unconfirmed sources verify that the black bear population has increased 20% over the past year and will continue this trend due to the general lack of natural predators, especially in the spring.

     Already groups of righteous, radical animal-rights advocates, many who would not know the difference between an aardvark and an antelope, have agreed to provide birth control information to younger, more impressionable cubs.

      As one might readily imagine, this development has upset almost every political/social/religious group in the country with each naively keying on their own specific collection of bugaboos without the slightest concern for the rights of their adversaries.

     “It is a fool who still thinks we live in a democracy,” said one local ranger. “In 2025 he who shouts the loudest often wins out, while the poor bears can’t utter so much as a compound sentence.”

-Small Mouth Bess