Bathrobe Day at Monarch Slated for February

(Garfield) The fifth annual bathrobe ski races and snowshoe rally will be held at Monarch Ski Area February 2 – 5 according to unreliable sources here. Any skier arriving in a bathrobe can compete for prizes with the top ten qualifying for the grand prize of a night — a $400 bar tab in Salida.

Interested participants should report to the bunny hill no later than 8 am on the designated ski days. Skiers should bring all necessary athletic gear, including eye protection and sun screen. Approved accessories including gloves, face masks and hats will be provided.

Otherwise it’s just bathrobes!

All entries will be reviewed at race time by judges encased in wool, goose down and Goretex. Herbal stimulants, open containers, dogs, body paint, suggestive tattoos, and leg coverings are prohibited as are knee pads, lip balm, tarnished political slogans and New Age underwear.

Monarch shocked the ski industry in 2009 with the introduction of bathrobe skiing in Colorado. Although popular at first, people quickly lost interest in light of nude skiing and other questionable diversions common to the winter sun. The actual sport, which requires both taste and dexterity, has been saddled on the back burner since the Winter Olympic Committee banned the event in 2010.

“It just proves that skiing is part athletics and part fashion show,” said an organizer of bathrobe skiing here. “Was the Olympic Committee afraid of its image or just a little skin? Maybe both.”

For more information contact any member of the pajama patrol.

– Marlena Diaspora